Chapter 274 Qi Long: I am Doctor Monkey!
Beichuncheng Small Theater, afternoon show, this show was chosen just for the four elders to watch. As they are the couple who will definitely be the last one to watch the evening show, it might drag on until very late. Zhang Wanyi's parents usually go to bed at that time, and they might also be sleepy by then, so the experience won't be that good.
The performances went on one after another. At the end, Zhang Wanyi, who was acting as the announcer, walked onto the stage and said, "Next, please enjoy the crosstalk: "Let's Compare", performed by Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang!"
Dongqiang first went on stage alone, introduced the two actors, and then said that he would perform a stand-up comedy for everyone.
Just as he was about to speak, Qi Long walked onto the stage.
"A crosstalk performer?" Qi Long said cheerfully.
Dong Qiang nodded: "Yes!"
"What is your name?"
"Gao Dongqiang"
"I haven't heard of you. Do you know who I am?"
Dong Qiang shook his head like a rattle: "I don't know!"
"You don't know me? You're a crosstalk performer, but you don't know me. I'm Qi Dali, the only crosstalk doctor monkey in the country!"
Dong Qiang stared and teased, "Doctor Monkey? Are you a monkey from Mount Emei or a monkey from Mount Huaguo?"
The audience chuckled, and some guessed that the two brothers were going to satirize the doctor of crosstalk.
Qi Long said with disdain: "Look at this crosstalk actor, he looks so uneducated. After finishing his bachelor's degree, he becomes a master's degree, after finishing his master's degree, he becomes a doctoral degree, and after finishing his doctoral degree, he becomes a doctoral monkey. I am a doctoral monkey."
"That's called a postdoc. Who is the uneducated one?"
"I call it Doctor Monkey, which means that if the crosstalk I study were put in ancient times, it would be worthy of being awarded the title of nobility."
"Can you be granted a title of nobility for studying crosstalk? The emperor of your dynasty was called Guo Degang? The emperor of crosstalk?"
Qi Long: "What the hell is Guo Degang? Can he tell crosstalk? All he does on stage is talk about Yu Qian's family all day long. There is no technical content, no research value, and no scientific research spirit." Qi Long used the words casually.
Dongqiang looked at the audience and said, "No, since when did crosstalk require a scientific research spirit?"
"Yes, I have. If everyone could hear my crosstalk, their worship for me would be like the endless torrent of water. All of you crosstalk performers would have to kneel on the ground and shout for the Grandmaster to appear. Your worship for me would be like the flooding of the Yellow River, which is unstoppable!"
Dong Qiang was not convinced: "Oh, then I want to listen to the crosstalk you developed, it's so amazing!"
Qi Long opened his mouth and said: "If I throw this burden away, it will be like the cold air in summer, the rain in the dog days of summer, and the cool feeling will directly flow into your hearts. Then you will happily say: Qi Dali, I can't live without you!"
Dong Qiang couldn't help himself and started to pull him: "Stop bragging, tell me something!"
Qi Long raised his hand and said, "Listen carefully, hahahaha, there was an ice cream stick, and it melted while I was walking on the road, hahahaha, it melted."
After he finished speaking, he just laughed like a madman, and the audience laughed at his silly look.
Qi Long pointed at the audience and said, "Look, everyone is laughing!"
"Is that a joke to make fun of you? Isn't your joke a cool breeze in the summer? I'll tell you a joke that's funnier than yours."
Qi Long shook his hands, saying it was impossible.
Dongqiang opened his mouth and asked the refrigerator to let the ice cream freeze by itself.
Sure enough, the dirty jokes were a huge hit in the small theater, and the whole audience burst into thunderous laughter.
Qi Long was not convinced: "I was afraid that what I said just now would be too excellent, and you would feel so inferior that you would want to hang yourself. Let me tell you another story, a group of people were riding bicycles, screaming and laughing, and they were so happy!"
"why?"
"Because they were riding Dali brand bicycles, and riding a Dali bicycle is meant to bring people happiness. Hahaha." This time Qi Long laughed so hard that he pounded the table.
"It's too cold!" Dongqiang put both hands into the sleeves on the other side and began to shiver.
The audience also thought the joke was ridiculous, but they were still amused by Qi Long's actions.
"Look, look, you're laughing!" Qi Long.
Dongqiang: "I also have a group of people riding bicycles there, shouting and laughing, and they are not riding Dali brand bicycles. Do you know why?"
Qi Long scratched his head: "Why?"
"Their bicycles have no seats." Two seconds later, the whole audience burst into laughter like thunder, followed by applause.
"See? This is what makes everyone laugh."
Qi Long raised his hand: "I just tested your ability, now I'm going to show you my special skills!"
"Then I'm all ears!"
Qi Long took a deep breath, and when everyone was waiting, he said: "Forget it, I'll give in. I'm a PhD monkey, and I'm not a famous crosstalk actor like you. It's too much to bully you. I'll give in."
"No, buddy."
"Respect my choice, okay? Don't comedians know how to respect? I'll give in, I'll give in!"
The audience realized that it was not only satirizing the two doctors of formulaic crosstalk, but also "Brother Renle", the one who took advantage of his seniority and said "renle" when he saw he was about to lose.
Meng Hetang is a junior, so it's hard to say anything bad about him; Qi Long and Dong Qiang are his peers, so you can criticize them if you want.
Dong Qiang glared: "You gave it up just because you won? If you gave it up, it means you got it first."
Qi Long made a twisted argument: "Did Kong Rong get the pear when he gave it to his brother? No, his mother served it to them so that they could eat one piece at a time. He took the bigger one and gave it to his brother, so he didn't get it either. So even if I didn't get it, I can give it to you!"
"Okay, okay, okay, if you admit defeat, go down. It's time for me to perform crosstalk!"
"What do you mean by giving up? I did give up. I gave up on ridicule, but I also have research in other areas. Crosstalk, singing, and comedy. I gave up on making fun of people, but I still have three more. Come on, after I say this tongue twister, you have to kneel down and worship me as your master!"
Dong Qiang: "He's getting excited, tell me!"
Qi Long opened his mouth and said: [Class cadres manage class cadres! ]
Dongqiang looked at Qi Long, and Qi Long stopped talking after he finished speaking.
"Where's down there?"
"That's all. Just this one sentence. It's very difficult!"
Dongqiang looked helpless, and the first thing he said was a difficult tongue twister, the pink girl and the pink girl in the Eighteen Sorrows tongue twister:
[In the first month of the lunar calendar, two sisters went to visit lanterns. The elder sister was named Pink Girl and the younger sister was named Girl Pink. Pink Girl wore a pink coat and Girl Pink wore a pink coat.]
The audience immediately applauded when Dongqiang was speaking proudly.
Qi Long shouted, "Stop, Yu, beep beep!"
"What's wrong? Can you come here?"
"I don't even bother to do this. Forget it. I'll give in. I'm a PhD monkey, and I'm bullying you when I compare myself to an unknown crosstalk artist like you."
After that, Qi Long learned a sentence in English that every Chinese person will come into contact with when they first learn English: I'm fine thank you, and you.
Dongqiang started learning various foreign languages, including English, German, Maozi, South Korean, and island languages, including greetings of some ethnic groups in China.
Halfway through his speech, Qi Long started to mumble again.
This time, Dongqiang said the line with him: Forget it, I give in.
He lost in foreign language learning, so when he competed in learning Chinese opera, Qi Long sang a very simple song: Dou Erdun with a blue face.
Dongqiang performed a piece of "Blocking Forgiveness", and Qilong gave in for the fourth time. Now the audience knew his tricks.
When it came to singing, Qi Long sang a line from Taiping and was instantly killed by Dong Qiang.
Qi Long wanted to compete again, and Dong Qiang couldn't stand it anymore, so he made a high-level speech, saying that learning crosstalk requires hard practice day after day, and without decades of hard practice, how could one perform freely on the stage?
"Don't think you are great just because you are a postdoctoral fellow. When it comes to crosstalk, you are not even an elementary school student."
Qi Long was full of anger and said to Dong Qiang: [hei].
It's the scene in the TV series where the Monkey King gets annoyed and makes a monkey-like gesture towards other people, then raises his hand and says, "I am the real Monkey King!"
Dongqiang looked at the bracelet on his hand and stretched out his hand.
Qi Long somersaulted and fell off the stage.
"He has competed with me in this skill before, I can't compare with him!" Dong Qiang said, and looked at his bracelet: "The monkey patient of the mental hospital, Qi Dali."
After mumbling to himself, Dongqiang was shocked and pointed to the side stage with an exaggerated expression: "So I was fighting with a psychopath for so long? If I had known, I would have given in!"
After saying this, he also bowed and left the stage. The crosstalk ended here!
(End of this chapter)
