Chapter 238 Let Sun Wukong go to the Olympics!
Qi Long's narrative crosstalk began, saying that he was the head coach of the entire sports project, nicknamed the super coach. As long as he led the team, he would win all kinds of gold medals.
Dong Qiang naturally didn't believe it. Qi Long said that two days ago, the sports director strongly invited him to be the head coach of the next Olympic Games.
"At that time, I was teaching a young girl how to play chess at the entrance of the village. Her performance was very poor. She lost 2 games when she played chess at the entrance of our village. After I gave her some pointers, she won. Now her record is 16-!"
In the stands, a round-faced professional Go player Zhan Ying looked helpless. She was a professional Go player, but her record was only 2-16. No one knew her until she became a host.
He claimed that he would not be discouraged by the comments from haters, but he burst into tears after reading two of them. He also successfully became popular and was invited to participate in this sports meeting.
Her abstraction is still very popular on the Internet, and most people burst into laughter when they hear 2-16 of this joke.
Zhan Ying won two games, one against a child and the other against an old lady, which led to the following joke.
"Ah? You really have something?" Dong Qiang was surprised.
"Of course, my advice to her is just one word: persevere! If you play chess with a three-year-old, you win if you persevere until his mother lets her go home for dinner."
"Even a three-year-old can't win? What about the other round?"
"An eighty-year-old man, you keep him company for ten hours, and when the old man is tired and drowsy, you take his old man away, and you win!"
OK, the “teasing the old lady” joke was also included!
Dong Qiang: "You are a coach, you are so immoral!"
"I was instructing him how to play chess, and here comes the sports manager!" Qi Long began to show off his ventriloquism, using onomatopoeia to simulate the sound of a police siren.
Dongqiang explained to everyone: "This is not an invitation to you, this is to catch you as a liar!"
"No, they were protecting me. Foreigners hate me as a person of status. If they see me coming out, they might come and assassinate me. So they have to protect me. The two policemen were very polite to me!"
"What did you say?"
"Is this you? Qi Delong? Cooperate with us and come with us! Two policemen held me tightly on both sides and took me to the car!"
"I'll still catch you!"
“It’s called close protection.”
This is the classic bragging in crosstalk. It is obviously fake when you hear it. It is obvious that the person has never seen the world but always pretends to be worldly-wise. He can only use things he already knows to apply to high-end things.
Similarly, ancient farmers believed that the emperor used a golden hoe to hoe the fields, and that there were two cans of sugar at the head of the empress dowager's bed. If she wanted to eat brown sugar, she could eat brown sugar, and if she wanted to eat white sugar, she could eat white sugar.
In fact, if the emperor doesn't hoe the fields, the empress dowager won't put sugar on the bed.
Qi Long plays a character who has only seen the police arrest people, and boasts that he was invited as a big coach, but he actually talks about how to arrest people.
Not only that, the story continues, Qi Long was taken to the State Guesthouse, and was said to have delicious food, hot and looking tempting.
"what?"
“Offal soup!”
"You go to the State Guesthouse to eat mutton offal soup?"
"The mutton offal soup there is good, with lots of mutton offal, and you can add as much mutton oil and chili as you want."
Before leaving, I had to pack some mutton soup for my wife and children, and then went to the conference room for a meeting. On the table were drinks that ordinary people would never see, Coke!
The cigarettes are also of a good quality that you don’t usually see, called cigars.
You may not have heard of the snack next to it, Maltesers!
Every time he said something, there was laughter. Everyone listened with great interest. Some star-chasing kids who had never listened to crosstalk before all laughed and discovered the charm of crosstalk for the first time!
After introducing my "high-end travel" and talking about business, the manager insisted that I lead the team to participate in the next Olympic Games. After hesitating, I chose to agree.
But there is a condition: "It's fine for me to be the coach, but whoever I tell to play has to play. I can't say that I tell someone to play and then someone says this or that is not allowed. Otherwise, I won't do it!"
“Oh, that’s the condition!”
"The other party agreed immediately. If you doubt someone, don't employ him. If you doubt someone, don't employ him. Anyone who questions your employment is a grandson!"
“So much power?”
Qi Long, who had just taken office, began to look for athletes. All the previous athletes were no longer wanted. Except for the Dream Team projects, all the athletes in other projects were expelled and replaced with new ones.
"I'll start with archery!"
"Archery, are you planning to switch?"
"Hua Rong."
"Hua Rong?"
"He was nicknamed Little Li Guang because his arrows never missed their targets. He was one of the 108 generals of Liangshan."
Dongqiang prefect caught him and said, "Wait a minute, wait a minute, do you still know that it is the 108 heroes of Water Margin?"
"Can not be done?"
"Of course not!"
Qi Long pointed at him and said, "Look, I said that if someone says that the people I selected are not good at this or that, then this person is a bastard!"
"I'm not questioning you, it's you who's wrong. Hua Rong was from the Song Dynasty and has been dead for more than 900 years. How could he participate in the Olympics?"
Qi Long was pleased: "Or maybe you say I'm a coach. Look, you don't understand. A dragon gives birth to a dragon, a phoenix gives birth to a phoenix. A mouse's son can dig holes. Hua Rong is a good archer, so his descendants won't be bad either. Let's go to the police station and look for the guy with the last name Hua. If we find him, we'll use him!"
"Oh, so you're looking for it this way? Did you find it?"
"I found it. A male archery athlete, Hua Chenyu. Do you know him? Forever God, so suitable. Forever God is a shooter and should participate in archery competitions!"
Qi Long's imaginative video of mixing professional game players, singers and sports together made the audience burst into laughter immediately, with the screen filled with comments of "Haha".
"You have a wide range of knowledge. What about the female archery athlete?" "Yang Chaoyue!" Qi Long said a name.
Chao Yue, who was sitting in the stands, smiled and waved to the two brothers from the variety show.
Dongqiang: "Yang Chaoyue? His last name isn't Hua either."
"Yang Chaoyue is a stage name, his real name is Hua!"
"Ah?" Dong Qiang looked as if he had just heard this shocking news: "What's your name?"
"Super pretty!"
"Spend money? Stop talking nonsense here!"
Qi Long pointed at the signboard in the distance. Yang Chaoyue claimed to be the village beauty in the talent show, so his fans called her the village beauty.
It’s on the light board today, the village girl is so beautiful!
"This is the support given to her by the villagers. I don't know her stage name, so she wrote her real name, which is incomplete. The full sentence is: The money spender in the village, do you want to be the most dazzling one on the sports field?"
Dong Qiang pushed him: "So much less?"
Then came other events, horse racing. Qi Long mentioned Lu Bu, still using the same old saying that a dragon gives birth to a dragon.
However, it was difficult to find descendants of Lu Bu, so he finally selected three artists, whose surnames were Dong, Ding and Li. Lu Bu had three surnames, and no one knew which surname his descendants would inherit, so he let the three of them compete.
After saying this, Qi Long boasted that he was very rigorous.
Running, here comes Dai Zong, the Speedy Walker.
Dongqiang followed him and asked why he didn't send a Cao Cao. Cao Cao is fast and will appear if he speaks of him.
Qi Long said: "Cao Cao's philosophy is not in line with the sports meeting, because he would rather lose to the world than let the world lose to him. I am going to find the champion!"
There was an athlete named Dai who did not participate in this sports meeting. Qi Long said he had a way to find one among the supporting actors of the crosstalk actors.
Why? They are all wearing green hats given to them by the comedians!
He said a lot of nonsense, and the most outrageous thing came when Qi Long opened his mouth and said, "Long jump!"
"Send who?"
"Sun Wukong!"
As soon as these three words came out, the whole audience burst into laughter. The previous things were already outrageous enough, but no one expected there would be something even more outrageous!
"Is Sun Wukong out?"
"One somersault covers a distance of 108,000 miles. Who can compare to that?"
"high jump!"
"Send who?"
"Sun Wukong! Dangdangdangdang...diaodiaodiao, the monkey is up there. He must be really good at high jumping!"
"Ouch!"
"Pole vault!"
This time the two brothers said in unison: "Sun Wukong!"
Dong Qiang: "I knew it was him. You're exaggerating. Is he a mythical figure?"
"Monkey Brother is so suitable. When our Monkey Brother appears, people from abroad cannot criticize him, because their criticism is incorrect."
"why?"
"Monkey Brother jumped out of a stone, he is genderless.
Different from ordinary monsters, it was born from fairy stones and belongs to a very rare ethnic group!
And Monkey King is a monkey and is protected by the Animal Protection Act.
Monkey King later converted to Buddhism, and the Fighting Buddha was equivalent to a defender of religion, and he was also a vegetarian!
He was once persecuted by the Heavenly Court and was one of the oppressed.
He put out the Flaming Mountain to reduce carbon emissions, so he is still an environmentalist.
His love for his fellow apprentices and his extraordinary abilities prove that he is also an egalitarian and anti-racist! "
The more Dong Qiang listened, the more shocked he became: "My goodness, if you hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known that Monkey Brother's buffs were fully stacked!"
"That's right!"
"I know who to look for. Sun Honglei, right?"
Qi Long waved his hand: "No!"
"That is?"
Qi Long shook his head and said, "You are so far away and yet so close to me. It's you!"
"Me?" Dongqiang pointed at his nose with his index finger: "I am not a descendant of Monkey King!"
"Aren't you a grandson?"
Dong Qiang raised his hand and pushed him: "Go to hell!"
The two brothers took a step back, and the crosstalk ended. The audience applauded loudly and laughed uncontrollably.
The person in charge who strongly invited Qi Long and Dong Qiang to perform crosstalk at the opening ceremony straightened his back. Look, this is vision. You know that Qi Long and Dong Qiang’s crosstalk will not disappoint!
(End of this chapter)
