Chapter 181 Crosstalk: "Dancer"
The dance that Qi Long performed with Luo Zhiqiang at his concert was posted online, and netizens commented: "There is a sense of beauty that the limbs have just been domesticated."
Interestingly, this comment was also used by Dongqiang on the crosstalk stage later.
The performance they performed was called "Dancer". It was a bragging performance. The funny man said he was a dancer and had performed in many countries. The supporting actor invited him to dance, but he didn't dance at all. When asked, he found out that he didn't dance, but performed a magic dance.
Qi Long and Dong Qiang adapted this traditional activity. They not only boasted about how well they were treated abroad, but also added elements of knowing multiple types of dance.
"Gao Dongqiang, the crosstalk performer!"
"Correct!"
"You are good at crosstalk, but your figure is not good enough. I can give you some pointers and you will become better!" Qi Long said arrogantly.
Dong Qiang was puzzled: "Who are you? Why are you giving me advice?"
"Me, don't you know me? I'm a dancer!" As he said that, he performed two dance moves from "Jing Wu Men".
"You look like your limbs have just been tamed, and you're still a dancer?"
This hot topic, which is known to everyone who follows Qi Long, caused the whole audience to burst into laughter after Dong Zhongqiang made some comments.
"What I just danced was street dance, which I'm not good at. Street dance is performed on the streets. For dancers like us, the performance place is very particular. We all perform in the yellow hall!" Qi Long explained.
Dong Qiang was puzzled: "Yellow Hall? Are you the one who did that crazy donkey show?"
"You are the crazy one. Haven't you heard of the Yellow Hall? Many famous musicians and dancers dance in the Yellow Hall in Vienna!"
"That's the Golden Hall!"
"Golden yellow, golden yellow, it's all the same. It's nice in there, the decoration is magnificent, like a palace!"
"Please introduce them to me."
Qi Long started to describe it in a very realistic way, with a high ceiling and mosaic tiles all over it, which gave people a refreshing feeling just by looking at it.
"Who feels refreshed when seeing mosaics?" Dong Qiang complained soulfully.
"Mosaic tiles are not mosaics, they are very expensive. Above the hall, there is a huge crystal chandelier, which makes the hall look magnificent. The service staff are also very enthusiastic. As soon as I entered, they came over and asked, "Big brother, how many people are there?" I said I was alone, and the service staff shouted, "Male guest, please come in!"
"A bathhouse?"
"No, no, they use a foreign language, called Zhan Temen Wan"
"Can't you translate it as a gentleman? A male guest followed me to the bathhouse!"
"Yes, yes, yes. I'll translate the question, and then you can enter. You have to go through a security check before entering. Everyone in there is either rich or noble. If you bring a knife or a gun, the rich man will be confused, and the noble will be pleased. It will be international news!"
Dong Qiang stopped him and said, "What kind of words are you using? What do you mean by confused?"
"If a person's head falls off, it can't be touched, right? If a person is shot in the chest, it can't be opened, right?"
Gao Dongqiang said disdainfully: "What a joke you are saying. If you say so, Louis XVI will be confused. Then what about the one who was killed by the No. 1 male gun a while ago and opened his heart?"
"Yes! For safety's sake. We might have someone with a mortar, a heavy machine gun, or an Italian cannon sneaking in."
"Can you get in then?"
Every sentence has an unexpected punchline, and the audience laughs continuously. The previous punchline makes them laugh again.
Qi Long said that the inspection in the Golden Hall was very detailed. Hats, scarves, watches, masks, coats, and suits were all taken off.
As he was talking, he took off all his clothes.
"Do I have to take off all my clothes for inspection?"
"Of course not. The security level is strict. After taking off the clothes, the staff pointed to the cabinet next to it and said: Put your clothes in there, come in!"
"Is it still a bathhouse?"
"Put on that dance costume and go in to perform!"
"Oh, what kind of dance do you perform?"
This is the new bit that Qi Long added to the crosstalk. He claimed that he could dance many kinds of dances and demonstrated on the spot how to dance. For example, he performed how the Shamatte danced at Luo Zhiqiang's concert, which was actually the job in this crosstalk.
Because this dance had just been broadcast on the Internet two days ago, everyone knew about it. After discussing it, the two decided to use it.
As soon as Qi Long mentioned the aristocratic dance, Dong Qiang asked him, "Are you talking about the aristocratic Zangai family?"
As soon as he finished speaking, Qi Long looked at Dong Qiang with a surprised look on his face. Dong Qiang was even proud: "Who can't do this? Look at people with your nose down, put your hands in your pockets, start jumping around, and sprinkle a handful of flour when you pull your hands out."
As he spoke, he was still demonstrating. Everyone looked at Qi Long, who was a little overwhelmed by Dong Qiang's work, and had a different experience, that is, handling the same burden with different methods can achieve different effects.
"Wrong!" Qi Long reacted and waved his hand: "You are not authentic."
"Ok?"
"What he pulled out of his pocket was not flour, but cement! Gather at the village entrance, bring your own cement, have you heard of that?"
After getting rid of the burden and regaining the initiative, Qi Long talked about other dances. He also knew other dances, for example: Latin dance!
Twisting the waist three times is the basic movement of Latin dance, but it lacks the soul of Latin dance. If you want to have the soul of Latin dance, you have to find a feeling of eating spicy food!
After saying that, he took out a chili from his pocket, took a bite of it, and then his mouth kept breathing out as if he had eaten chili. He licked his lips and stuck out his tongue. With a seductive look and twisting his waist, the soul came out.
The unexpected "Soul of Latin Dance" made the audience applaud. Even Dongqiang, who had watched Qi Long's performance during rehearsal backstage, laughed when he saw Qi Long twisting his waist and breathing so hard on the stage, and turned his back to laugh.
After a moment, he turned around and asked: "According to you, Latin people eat spicy food?"
"Yes, yes, it should be spicy, but foreigners don't pay attention to the tone of speech, so it's pronounced as Latin. It's not enough to just be spicy in your mouth, you have to be allergic to it all over your body and scratch everywhere!"
When he said this, Qi Long was still pretending to like spicy peppers. In fact, the peppers were not spicy at all. He was not a person who could eat spicy food. If he really ate spicy peppers, he would feel spicy for a long time, which would affect his performance. So it was all about acting! Qi Long started to show off again, this time adding hand movements, and started to tickle his whole body, which made everyone laugh again!
"Of course everyone knows that Latin dance is performed by two people. You can't just tickle yourself, you also have to tickle your partner." After saying that, he extended his hand towards Dongqiang.
Dong Qiang waved his hands and chased him away: "Go away, I'm not allergic!"
Qi Long suddenly stopped and looked at him. Dong Qiang was annoyed by his gaze and looked at himself, then raised his head: "What's wrong?"
“You have a talent for modern dance!”
"what?"
"That move you made just now!" Qi Long imitated Dong Qiang's move of flapping his hands to get people away from him: "Is that a modern dance move?"
“What does this have to do with modern dance?”
"Don't you understand?"
"don't know!"
"If you don't understand, then it's modern dance. I've summarized that modern dance is actually a process of getting rid of four pests. First, hit the mosquitoes, then scratch them, then press the cockroaches and rub them to death, then run away when you see a mouse, and finally chase away the flies!"
"What's this mess?"
Seeing that he didn't understand, Qi Long started to demonstrate. He asked the sound teacher to play a modern soothing song and then started dancing.
He stared diagonally upwards, as if there was something there, then he suddenly slapped himself in the face, hit his shoulder, and began to scratch himself.
"Oh, this is for killing mosquitoes," Dongqiang explained.
After completing this set of movements, Qi Long turned his head, looked at the ground, opened his mouth slightly to express his surprise, and pounced on the ground, rubbing his elbows against the floor.
"Crush the cockroach?"
When he turned around, he was surprised again. He stood up and started running slowly around the field.
"Is this to hide from mice?"
He looked back, breathed a sigh of relief, and began waving his hands in the air.
"Keep the flies away!"
Finally, Qi Long hugged himself and opened his arms, and the music ended just in time.
The audience cheered, laughed and applauded.
Qi Long asked Dong Qiang if he wanted to learn modern dance. After training himself, his figure would be better. Dong Qiang rejected him without hesitation: "Learn to eliminate the four pests from you? No, no!"
"What do you think of ballroom dancing?"
Dongqiang became interested when he heard this: "Do I need to be taught ballroom dancing? I've been able to do it since I was a kid!"
The two of them started a job, in which Dong Qiang played the male role and invited Qi Long, who played the female role, to dance ballroom dance with them.
Qi Long sat on the sofa at first.
But there is no sofa on the stage, so this requires the crosstalk performers' skills. Without stools, they have to act like they are sitting on stools, which is similar to horse stance, but more difficult than horse stance because the legs are not at the front sides, so it is easier to exert force, but straight in front of the body, and the center of gravity of the whole person is at the back.
As soon as he performed this movement, he was so steady as if he was sitting on a chair, and the audience immediately exclaimed in amazement.
Qi Long's back can even lean back, just like a sofa back. This is the real skill of a crosstalk actor, and few of his fellow disciples can do it.
Dongqiang stepped forward, bent down slightly, and held out his hand: "Miss!"
"Who are you calling Miss? Are you insulting me?"
"No, I'm inviting people. So, big sister, big sister is ok?"
"You are the eldest sister, am I that old?"
"No, then what should I call you?" Dong Qiang jumped out of the character and asked with his hands on his hips.
Qi Long said proudly: "You want to call me Princess, and you can say Princess please dance."
"too disgusting."
Trying hard to suppress his nausea, Dong Qiang said, "Princess, please dance." Qi Long stretched out his hand, and then, still squatting, he was led by Dong Qiang to the center of the stage.
Dong Qiang: "Monkey?"
Qi Long squatted like a circus monkey, scratched his face, and walked around the stage, making the audience laugh.
Dongqiang told him that he had to stand up after holding hands.
This time Qi Long stood up and walked to the center of the stage. Dong Qiang was still jumping and rubbing, but Qi Long had already started dancing randomly, mumbling something.
Dongqiang: "Are you dancing?"
"I'm performing a shaman act!"
"Go to hell!"
Qi Long took off the towel wrapped around the woman he was acting, and the two of them bowed to the audience together. The crosstalk ended here!
I would like to recommend Shao Ma Ye’s work, called “Boasting”. The monkey part made me laugh for several days. I watched it again to write this crosstalk, and it still made me laugh, haha
(End of this chapter)
