Chapter 112 If future archaeologists excavate our
"Do you know which day is the happiest for everyone in the past few years?" Qi Long asked.
Dong Qiang shook his head: "I don't know, please tell me!"
"It's snowing, but that's not snow, it's flour!"
"Oh, snow is flour?"
"That's right. Why do northerners love to eat noodles? There are so many different ways to cook noodles, but there are only a few in the south? It's because there's less snow in the south and more snow in the north. After a winter, everyone has a lot of noodles stored at home. They have to find ways to eat them, so they make so many noodles!"
Dong Qiang watched the fun: "Oh, so this is why northerners love to eat noodles!"
"Yes, and it's different flour when it goes down to different places. For example, if it goes down to the high beams, it's sorghum flour."
"Wow, so awesome? Then there's buckwheat noodles on the bridge?"
"Go down to the coal shop, that's black face!"
"Then when we go down to the yellow earth, we get yellow noodles!"
"Go down to the wood-chopping yard, and that's corn flour, because wood-chopping sticks!"
"Then when it comes to the ink seller, it's black, because those who keep company with ink are black!"
Qi Long and Dong Qiang spoke one sentence each at a very fast speed. As soon as one of them finished speaking, the other one was on the street. Moreover, their states were very different. Qi Long was speaking seriously, while Dong Qiang was pretending to be confused and yelling along with him, even though he knew the truth.
The audience also found it interesting. Those who had seen this kind of work did not expect it to be handled in this way.
Those who haven’t seen it will be even more curious about their next sentence and how each type of interview comes about.
Qi Long pointed around himself and said, "Once we get down to the crosstalk stage, outside the table, this is the funny guy's territory, and it becomes bean noodles!"
"If it goes under the table, this is the supporting role's territory." Dong Qiang was stunned after saying this: "What kind of noodles are under the table?"
"Mixed noodles, there's a bastard standing inside!"
Qi Long was pushed by Dong Qiang, but he didn't care: "Just kidding, I fell into the territory of the supporting actor, and I was eaten by the supporting actor directly!"
"have eaten?"
"Or maybe all the supporting actors were fat in the past? It's because they eat too much noodles. You are so fat that you can't even get down to earth anymore!"
"Oh, that's what happened!"
Continuing on, in the old days, meat was also sold cheaply, three copper coins for a cow, two copper coins for a sheep, and pigs were the cheapest, at one copper coin you could get a pig!
Moreover, the price of pork was one copper coin per pig weighing more than 60 kilograms, and those weighing less than 60 kilograms, even those weighing 59 kilograms, were still small piglets. One copper coin could be exchanged for ninety-seven pigs!
Dong Qiang agreed with Qi Long in all the above statements, which made Qi Long's statements become more and more outrageous.
"Tofu, no one would eat it even if it was given away for free. Whenever someone passed by the tofu shop, the shopkeeper would bow and nod, and come over to say respectfully: Second Uncle, I'll give you two pieces of tofu for free."
"Do I still have to call you Second Uncle?"
"Impatient passerby, I ate it last time, and you want me to eat it again this time? I won't eat it! (Turning to imitate the shopkeeper bending down) Have a piece. Bang!"
"what happened?"
"The shopkeeper was slapped in the face, and he covered his face and cried in grievance."
Dong Qiang finally couldn't stand it anymore and said to the audience: "This grandson is talking nonsense!"
"What did you say?" Qi Long asked.
"What you said is out of line!"
"Yes, there are sides, and they're free. You have to go early, or you'll have to eat the tender tofu inside!"
"I said your words were irrelevant, not tofu!"
"Do your words have edges? Tell me, what are the edges, what are the corners, what are the edges in the words?"
"What I mean is that you are being vague and evasive. You need to speak in a reliable way. You can't just say whatever you want to say!"
Dong Qiang taught him a lesson, but Qi Long was not convinced: "Why are you so confused?"
"The shopkeeper is not crazy, is he? He is not stupid, is he? He is not seeking wealth and giving away money, is he? He is not crazy, stupid, and not giving away money, so why does he give food away for free and still get slapped? He won't stop making tofu, right? There is no cost for making tofu? He is wasting himself?"
Listening to Dong Qiang's righteous words, Qi Long nodded: "That's right, the shopkeeper is not sick or crazy, why would he take advantage of others for free? You have to be reliable when speaking, and what comes out of your mouth should enter people's ears. You can't be inconsistent and say whatever you want. Otherwise, no one will like what you say. I won't listen to it either, and I'm leaving!"
Qi Long turned around and walked off the stage. Dong Qiang immediately went over and pulled him back: "You're putting the blame on me? I said it? You said it!"
"I said?"
"Of course not. It's all recorded. You can't deny it. Just tell me, why did you give away tofu for free in those old days?"
At this point, crosstalk has changed from one person watching another person talking nonsense and occasionally agreeing with him to covering up a lie. Qi Long has to find a way to make himself justifiable!
He was in the same state of deep contemplation as when he was filming "Ba Ma Gua": "By the way, isn't tofu white? So I give it to people for free!"
After saying that, Qi Long wanted to step down again. Last time he took two steps, but this time, before he could turn around, Dong Qiang pulled him back.
"White things have to be given away for free? Then what about Yu Qian, who is also white? Should he be given away for free too?" Dong Qiang retorted.
Qi Long smiled and nodded: "Not impossible!"
The audience laughed wildly, Brother Qian was dumbfounded!
Dong Qiang's next words left Qi Long speechless: "The bag I used was for my senior brother. If you still insist on being stubborn with me, Qi Long, I will talk about my niece from the Drum Music Society next!"
The audience looked at the dumbfounded Qi Long, some were laughing, some were making a fuss.
"I should have known to find a dark spot earlier." Qi Long sighed, which caused laughter: "What did you ask me?"
"Let me ask you, why would he give the tofu away for free? He wouldn't stop making it if no one wanted to eat it. Why would he call someone his second uncle even though he's his grandson?"
"Why give it away for free? Why? Hey, this shopkeeper is not actually the shopkeeper. The money earned belongs to the boss and has nothing to do with him. He just gave the tofu away for free, old McNuggets!"
"Chicken McNuggets?" Dongqiang wondered.
Qi Long was very proud: "You don't know, do you? There was a guy who went to work part-time. Whenever he ordered Chicken McNuggets, he would give people two extra chicken nuggets. From then on, if you order takeout from that hamburger shop, as long as you note "Chicken McNuggets Man", you will get a bag of Chicken McNuggets for free!"
"There is such a good thing!" "If you don't believe me, just click it and try it. Anyway, I clicked it a few days ago and it really works. I tell you."
"Come back first, you almost fooled me!" Dong Qiang held Qi Long back and said, "Don't change the subject. The shopkeeper gave away tofu for free, so the boss doesn't check the accounts?"
"This shopkeeper says he is not the shopkeeper, but in fact he is the shopkeeper. You say he is the shopkeeper, but in fact he is not quite the shopkeeper. That is, he tells his employees not to call him the shopkeeper. The employees see that although the shopkeeper says he is not the shopkeeper, he gives money to everyone, so the employees call him the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper is still the shopkeeper, but he is not the shopkeeper either."
Dong Qiang: "What a mess! Let me ask you, why give away tofu for free? If no one wants to eat it, he doesn't have to make it!"
"He has to do it!"
"why?"
"It's a long story!" Qi Long sighed.
"Take your time and talk. Let's save up for now. We have plenty of time!" Dongqiang looked like he was determined to stay with him until death. He had to make things clear.
Qi Long sighed: "In the old days, it was really hot and really cold."
"Start from the beginning? Just say tofu!"
"Well, things were cheap back then."
"Nonsense, three copper coins for a cow, two copper coins for a sheep, and one copper coin for a pig that weighs more than 60 kilograms. A piglet weighing less than 60 kilograms costs ninety-seven copper coins!" Dongqiang repeated everything he had said to urge him to speak quickly.
At this point, Qi Long's eyes lit up: "Yes, there are pigs!"
"Ok?"
"He has to feed the pigs with tofu dregs. Tofu dregs don't fall from the sky or grow on the ground. Where do they come from?"
Dongqiang replied: "I'm here to make tofu!"
Qi Long slammed the table and said, "Isn't this a conclusion? He feeds the leftover tofu residue from making tofu to the piglets he bought. After ripening, they can be sold and he can make money. Then the tofu is made, but it's useless so he just gives it away!"
He became more and more excited as he spoke, and the audience applauded because he "made up the lie". Well, it sounds reasonable at first glance!
Dongqiang was still skeptical: "No, then why didn't you feed the tofu together?"
"Tofu is very watery, while bean curd dregs are very solid. Eating tofu will make you gain less flesh, while eating bean curd dregs will make you gain more flesh!"
"Then just eat the beans!"
"Pigs can't chew beans. They don't have teeth. Pigs in ancient times didn't have teeth. They only grew them recently!" Qi Long retorted, looking at the audience proudly while Dong Qiang was thinking.
That expression seemed to be saying, I have the final say on all settings for the old times, what do you have to argue with me?
Dong Qiang asked, "Then I can crush the beans, and save a lot of raw materials!"
"Pigs in the old days don't eat raw food!" Qi Long made up his mind. Whatever you say, I will say it's nothing!
"Isn't it all right if I cook all those broken beans over fire?"
"No, there is no fire in the old age!" Qi Long shouted loudly.
Dongqiang looked at him: "Huh?"
Qi Long slapped his head and said, "Oh no, I'm such a jerk. How can I make tofu without fire?"
"Are you admitting you talked nonsense?" Dong Qiang pointed at Qi Long and faced the audience.
The two brothers took a step back and bowed to say goodbye. This marked the end of the crosstalk.
When they were leaving the stage, the two who were performing at the end were automatically invited back to the stage by the host for an encore performance. Qi Long said to the microphone: "It was a traditional program just now, called "Old Man"!"
"Correct!"
"It's actually an art of satire, satirizing those people who brag and talk nonsense, and those who always say that things were better in the past than they are now. You haven't really seen what things were like in the past. Didn't the Internet say that? If you really travel through time, there's an 80% chance that you won't survive!"
"That's right!"
"For example, tens of thousands of years in the future, when we have all become like before, archaeologists will find dozens of large palaces in the northeast region. They won't know that they are bathing centers, but will probably think they are temples!"
"Can you still think this is a temple?"
"Of course. Archaeologists in the future will find that human sacrifices are still being used in our time. They will wear shackles with the sacrifice number on them!"
Dongqiang explained: "Is it the hand card for taking a bath?"
"Archaeologists believe it was shackles. They put the shackles on and soaked them in a pool to clean the offerings. Some had to be steamed with very high-temperature gas. Then they lay prone on the offering table and used a cruel instrument of torture with strong friction to start sprinkling some oil and salt on the back of the offerings to get out the surface of the skin!"
Dong Qiang: "Now that you mention it, scrubbing your body is pretty scary!"
"And there was a recording that showed that in the bathhouse, best friends would often praise each other's spouses when chatting with each other, using all kinds of words to praise people, such as "ordinary man", "iron straight man", "low-brow man", "mama's boy" and so on!"
"Wait a minute, Mr. Qi, is this a compliment? A common man?"
"Future archaeologists believe that Puxinnan means the most trustworthy man in the world!"
"Straight man of steel?"
"A man with a will of steel who keeps moving forward!"
"The man below?"
"The most sober man of the afternoon!"
"What about the morning?"
"Archaeologists in the future will find that during holidays, many people of this era slept until noon!"
"Oh, that makes sense. What about the mama's boy?"
Qi Long was like crazy, and suddenly shouted loudly: "Oh my god, treasure boy!"
"Go to hell!"
After a few jokes, the encore segment ended!
(End of this chapter)
