Chapter 111: Old Age
Ruan Jingtian actually came to Qi Long to ask for tickets, but Deyun Society has a rule that actors cannot give tickets to outsiders casually, and their family members have to fight for tickets to watch the performance, unless it is a large-scale commercial performance or a personal show, so Qi Long gave him his own special show tickets.
That’s right, because the tickets for the last special show sold out and received good responses, Qi Long and Dong Qiang’s crosstalk fans strongly hope that the two of them can hold another special show this year.
Therefore, Deyun Society contacted the theater urgently and organized a special performance for Qi Long and Dong Qiang in December.
This time he was not away from home but in the imperial capital. In order to launch the special show, Qi Long started watching videos every day. This time he acted as Fang Xuanling and asked about historical and cultural common sense, which gave him some ideas.
When writing a new script, one must first experiment in a small theater. On that day at the Sanlitun Deyun Society, Qi Long and Dong Qiang performed the traditional program "Old Old Man" with new interludes!
Although the two are not team captains, their crosstalk skills far exceed those of their fellow apprentices, and their popularity has soared rapidly, so they are the finale of the small theater's shows.
Fans have given great praise to the fact that the duo has continued to perform in small theaters even after becoming famous.
You can see their crosstalk every week, and it’s often innovative, making them truly conscientious actors.
"Next, please enjoy the crosstalk "Old Man", performed by Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang!"
The audience cheered and took out their SLR cameras, video recorders and mobile phones to take pictures of them.
Qi Long and the other man came up happily, introduced the actors in front, and talked about themselves.
"Dongqiang, you know, I went to the Tang Dynasty City that Never Sleeps to record a show a few days ago!"
Dong Qiang nodded: "Yes, I found it on the Internet!"
Videos taken by passers-by will be uploaded to the Internet and are not considered spoilers.
"At that time I felt that there was a role that was particularly suitable for you. If you went, you would definitely play him!"
"Who is it?"
"Tang Minghuang, Li Longxiong!" Qi Long said the name seriously: "Hey, you don't know, that emperor is majestic."
The small theater is free and easy, and it serves up dirty stories directly!
Dongqiang quickly pulled him: "Wait a minute, Mr. Qi, Teacher Qi, wait a minute!"
"what happened?"
"The Emperor Tang Minghuang called Li Longxiong?"
"That's what it's called?"
"Li Longji!" Gao Dongqiang corrected immediately.
Qi Long looked at him in shock: "Wow!"
The audience burst into laughter and the opening joke was a huge success.
After the laughter, Qi Long looked at Gao Dongqiang in surprise: "Do you still have this need?"
"No, no, don't talk nonsense, his name is Li Longji, the basic Ji!"
Qi Long nodded in agreement: "Oh, I'm sorry, everyone knows that I have a limited education and poor knowledge of history. I need to learn more from Teacher Gao!"
"Don't dare!"
“People have really good hobbies.”
"what?"
"He loves literature and history. He's an expert in literature and history!"
Gao Dongqiang, who was being humble, immediately changed his expression and there was laughter from the audience.
"Hey, my workplace is the toilet? What do you mean by smell expert?"
“Literary history!”
"By the way, next time just talk about literature and history. They misunderstood me when I talked about literature and history!"
Qi Long nodded after hearing the advice, saying that he wanted to learn from Dong Qiang. He also frequently studied history and counted on his fingers.
"What do you look like? Zhenguan, Hanwu, Daqin, or the Legend of Zhen Huan."
"Wait a minute, you study history and watch TV dramas?"
"Well, I watched it at first, but then I didn't like it anymore."
Dong Qiang asked: "Oh? Did you find that there is an adaptation that is different from history?"
Qi Long shook his head: "No, no? I was watching The Qin Empire at the time, and someone gave me a spoiler that the Qin Empire would eventually unify the country. I was so angry. How could someone spoil the story after having already watched it? How uncultured! What do you think of this person!"
He put his hands on his hips and yelled towards the audience below the stage, as if he was lecturing someone.
Dong Qiang quickly stopped him: "Everyone in the audience is laughing at you. The unification of the Qin Dynasty is history!"
"Why are you spoiling the plot?"
"This is common sense, anyone who has been to elementary school knows it!"
Qi Long coughed awkwardly twice: "Anyway, I won't watch TV dramas anymore. I'll watch another kind of work instead, one without barrage, with very few characters and very simple scenes. I can't understand some of the words, and the scenes don't change."
As Qi Long spoke, Dongqiang's expression gradually became strange, and the audience below the stage all smiled, as if everything was said.
"If the scene doesn't change, you have to change the film!" Dong Qiang couldn't help but interrupt.
Qi Long waved his hand: "No need to change, a man."
"A woman?"
"No, just a man!"
"Then how do we shoot it?" Dongqiang asked.
Qi Long: "Lecture Room!"
"what?"
Next, Qi Long started to talk nonsense, saying that he learned a lot of knowledge from watching "Lecture Room".
For example, Cao Mengde and Yuan Benchu were good friends when they were young. Later, Cao Cao defeated Yuan Shao in the Battle of Guandu. After Yuan Shao's death, Cao Mengde often appeared in Cao Cao's dreams. No matter whether he was sleeping at midnight or taking a nap at noon, he could see his childhood friend, Yuan Benchu, in his dreams.
So, Cao Mengde put forward a point of view: the prime meridian!
Dong Qiang was stunned when he heard Qi Long talking so seriously like a storyteller and finally coming up with such an unexpected answer. The audience was stunned for a moment and then laughed.
Qi Long hadn't finished speaking yet, and said that Cao Mengde often thought of the time when he and Yuan Shao robbed bird nests when they were young.
"I know what bird's nest they are robbing?"
"What?" "Dove!"
"why?"
"Montesquieu, it's about the story of Cao Mengdes missing the dove's nest when he was a kid!"
Dong Qiang followed his lead and said, "Oh, then what does Mendelian inheritance have to do with Mende?"
Qi Long: "Oh, I haven't researched this yet. Oh, yes, there is such a history!"
"What history?"
"Mendel's son followed his will and let Emperor Xian of Han pass the throne to his old Cao family, Mendel's inheritance."
Dong Qiang pushed him: "You are still addicted to nonsense, is the movie you watch a serious one?"
"Isn't that indecent? You have studied Cao Cao thoroughly. Cao Cao is lustful!" Qi Long shouted hurriedly.
"That's more reliable, he's really lustful!"
"Yes, his lustfulness can be seen from his and his family's names!"
Dong Qiang, who just felt reliable, frowned again: "Ah?"
"Look, Cao Cao, Cao Ren, Cao Zhen, Cao Shuang, remove the word Cao and read them together!" Qi Long waved his hand.
Dong Qiang counted on his fingers and just when he said the word "fuck", the people below started laughing. He did it on purpose to let the audience react to the funny part so that Dong Qiang could continue to tell his jokes.
"You are not right!"
"What's wrong?"
"Cao Pi should be added among the four people!" Dong Qiang looked at Qi Long with a teasing smile.
Qi Long raised his head seriously and thought for a moment: "You still have a life!"
Dong Qiang pushed him away and said, "Stop talking. Have you found anything reliable in the history you have studied for so long? If you know, just say it. If you don't, don't talk nonsense!"
Qi Long waved his hand: "Hey, I'm not studying the commonly recorded history!"
"You know the unrecorded history?"
"Yes, these are all passed down by word of mouth. They say it happened in the old days."
"You are still old, please tell us so that we can broaden our horizons."
This is where they officially start their performance. It is different from the traditional crosstalk "Old Man" where the straight man follows the funny man, because in the first half Qi Long made up history and Dong Qiang pointed it out, so they modified the character for this performance.
Qi Long was still talking nonsense, but Dong Qiang became the one who knew he was talking nonsense and deliberately cooperated with him for fun.
This is more reasonable. Otherwise, the elderly would believe that when it rains, it will rain sesame oil. This is even more outrageous in this era than not knowing that the Qin Dynasty unified the country.
"As the saying goes, if it's not cold, it's not a good time; if it's not hot, it's a good thing. In the old days, it was really cold and really hot. When it was the coldest, you had to wear everything when you went out, including gloves, socks, and a facekini, leaving only your eyes and mouth exposed!"
"Do you still wear Facekini at such an old age?" Dong Qiang questioned.
Qi Long: "It's just a cotton hat that covers the whole head with a few holes cut in it. I made it easier for everyone to understand. Do you want to listen or not? Are you interrupting me?"
"Listen!"
"At that time, people didn't dare to shake hands when they met?"
"why?"
"I'm afraid my hands are sweaty. If you take your hands out and shake them, they'll freeze and you can't open them. This is called 'unbreakable friendship'!"
"What if it freezes?"
"Wait until next spring?"
"You two are just going to live like this? I can't wait, I can't wait!"
"If you can't wait, then go to a teahouse and pour some boiling water over it. While it's still hot, snap! It'll be released. That's why we call it making friends! That's how it comes about!"
Dongqiang gestured as if pouring tea: "How about pouring like this?"
After talking about cold, let's talk about heat. How hot is heat? Living things are cooked as soon as they come out. The various barbecues and teriyaki we eat now are all passed down from our ancestors.
When it was the hottest, no one dared to go out because their hair would be burned if they did. We only dared to go out on cloudy days.
It was a cloudy day, but the sun came out the moment you went out, and your hair became bald in the front.
Hiding from the sun under the shade of trees, because the shade is not complete, it causes alopecia areata, with some parts of the head being bald and others having hair.
"Then let me ask a question, how did the Mediterranean hairstyle come about?"
"I went out at noon. The sun was right at the center of my head and burned all my hair. The hair follicles on the top of my head were destroyed. The hair follicles on the sides were fine. After a while, hair grew back on the sides, but the top of my head was still bald. That's how the Mediterranean pattern formed!"
Qi Long explained very smoothly. Dong Qiang looked at the audience and whispered, "He really can talk nonsense!"
"What did you say?"
"I say, it's hard for everyone to live like this, right?"
“It’s better!”
"Huh? You're still okay with this heat and this cold?"
"Yes, the rain at that time was not rain, but fragrant oil. Spring rain is as precious as oil. The people have no worries at dawn. That's when it comes!"
"When it rains, it rains oil," Dong Qiang asked, watching the fun, "What about frost?"
"Salt, little Yan Shuang hits the lone grass, have you heard of it? Salt is frost!"
“Hail!”
"That's dumpling soup. Just raise your head and open your mouth to eat it. You'll be full in one go. You have to eat it with dew!"
"What is that dew?"
"Vinegar, you need vinegar to eat dumpling soup, and it's even better with a little wind!"
"What is the wind?"
"Pepper noodles!"
Dongqiang frowned: "What a choking thing! You are going to rain grain in this weather!"
(End of this chapter)
