"The old man is gone, and as the eldest son, your father is determined to follow the old man's wishes. The ceremony must be grand and elegant!"
Dong Qiang: “Of course!”
"Forget about the clothes and the coffin, just talk about this shed, it's so exquisite!"
"How is it so particular?"
"The technicians hired by the Liuhe Shed Shop in the imperial capital built a ridged shed, one hall and one roll, five ridges and six beasts. There is a street archway and a street shed, a big drum and gong stand at the door, left and right bangs, bells and drums on the second floor, silence, avoidance, and a big mirror sign. Every day, there are monks, Taoists, foreigners, and nuns chanting on the stage. There are monks from Guangji Temple, old Taoists from Baiyun Temple, Lamas from Yonghe Palace, and nuns from Sansheng Temple. They stay for 49 days and entertain guests without accepting gifts!"
This is the beginning of the running track of "Praise the Classics". It is a long passage that is performed in one breath with every word being clear. Although modern audiences may not be familiar with some of the nouns, they can still hear the real skill and then applaud.
As soon as Qi Long finished speaking, Dong Qiang immediately followed up with a sentence: "How particular is it?"
“They are very considerate to their relatives and friends!”
"How thoughtful?"
"First of all, the tea we drink is very particular, it is the famous tea from various provinces."
"Both?"
Qi Long opened his mouth and listed more than twenty kinds of tea fluently. Amid the cheers of everyone, he quickly said that the cigarettes he smoked were also exquisite, and there were more than twenty kinds of local famous cigarettes, which again received cheers.
The wine we drink is also very particular, with more than 20 kinds of wine, but there is no Luzhou Laojiao!
Dong Qiang was stunned for a moment, because when they were discussing the work, Qi Long told him that he would add Luzhou Laojiao into this part. After all, he is the organizer and they paid for setting up the stage. It is not good for him to forget the host.
This line of dialogue is engraved in memory, and when I recite it excitedly it is like muscle memory. There was no Luzhou Laojiao originally, and after Qi Long finished reciting it he realized that he had missed something.
He immediately looked at Dongqiang: "Of course, the favorite wine of relatives and friends is still..."
Dong Qiang was relieved to see Qi Long made up for it himself. He remained calm and asked cooperatively, "What?"
“Luzhou Laojiao!”
"Good wine!"
The audience laughed when they heard this. Several leaders sitting in the front row also laughed. It was obvious that they were quite satisfied with this advertising placement. If you say it inside and pass it over, and then say it outside, everyone will understand it best!
Just like that, Qi Long and Dong Qiang made a small "mistake" without anyone knowing!
What follows is the smooth and flowing speech, talking about the table, from the utensils on the table to the fruits served first and the ice bowls served later, four kinds of dried fruits, four kinds of cold dishes, the loyal pickles, sixteen sets of snacks, countless ingredients and seasonings from all over the place, and the famous dishes from various well-known restaurants.
Qi Long kept talking for about seven or eight minutes straight, and Dong Qiang accurately grasped every moment and added the necessary words.
The audience was fascinated by what they heard and applauded continuously!
After finishing the banquet, it was time for the final funeral procession.
"The day of the funeral is also very particular. There is a room at the gate with 48 people carrying the coffins. When it reaches the main street, there are 64 people carrying the coffins. Each of the coffin bearers has to shave his head, take a bath and wear boots. 32 people carry a large mirror. In front of the room there are four tents of monks, Taoists, foreigners and nuns to escort the funeral. There are the four door gods Qin Qiong, Jingde, Shentu and Yulei, the four wise men Yang Jiaoai, Zuo Botao, Boyi and Shuqi, the ghosts who open the way, the ghosts who beat the way, the beasts that spray money and the cows that suppress the sea."
This paragraph is completely connected, telling a story about a funeral procession, and the whole story takes more than a minute.
Since Qi Long did not leave any breath, Dong Qiang stood sideways and listened to him carefully without being distracted at all. When Qi Long talked about "Pine Lion, Pine Pavilion, Pine Crane, Pine Deer and Eight Pine Immortals", he immediately got ready.
"We stretched the road by eight miles, took four detours, and finally carried the coffin back!"
Dong Qiang immediately responded: "Eh? Why not bury him?"
Qi Long laughed: "Haha, your father forgot to buy a cemetery plot!"
"I'll go to you!"
At this point, the crosstalk ended. The two brothers took a step back, bowed to everyone, and walked off the stage amid thunderous applause.
This is a serious kung fu job. To be honest, not many people dare to open it. Deyun has eight teams and there are small theater performances every week, but you don’t see this kind of work very often. Only a few old gentlemen and Gao Feng perform it occasionally. The main part of his job is too frequent.
Tea, cigarettes, alcohol, and all kinds of delicacies, everything is in a series. It doesn't seem like he is telling a tongue twister. At least the stories are connected. One item is just another item, and they don't connect, so it's easy to go wrong.
Qi Long and Dong Qiang always talk about innovating crosstalk, but they will also use their traditional skills to prove themselves: innovation does not forget the roots!
Backstage, everyone was thanking each other for their hard work. Since the team leader Hou Zhen wasn't there, no one was clamoring to play games. Qi Long ran to the corner and sat down next to Gao Feng. "Boss Gao, I hope the little fish and shrimp haven't caused you any trouble recently?"
"Your nephew didn't cause any trouble, but he did have some fun," Gao Feng said with a laugh.
The nephew is Jin Xiaoyu, Dong Qiang’s apprentice.
Hearing this, Dongqiang also came over: "What's wrong, what's wrong?"
Gao Feng then said with a smile that Xiaoyu was eating in the cafeteria two days ago, but he left with his plate after taking only two bites.
When you are a student, the rules are the strictest. You can take less food, but you cannot waste it. Those are the rules.
The teacher who found out thought that Xiaoyu felt the food was not tasty and wanted to secretly throw it away, so he was about to scold him, but he put the plate on the ground, and a big stray cat with several little stray cats came over and started eating.
"It's not a waste." Dongqiang commented unhappily.
Gao Feng smiled and said, "Listen to me. We initially thought he didn't want to eat and gave the food to the cat, but later we found out that this kid treated the stray cat as his wife."
"Ah?" Qi Long and Dong Qiang were both shocked. Gao Feng, who was usually serious when talking about students, just laughed to himself now, obviously unable to hold back.
It turns out that after watching the movie "Tying the Doll", the children were particularly curious about how the baby was born. Faced with this question, parents usually fool their children when they are young, saying things like "the baby was picked up" or "the baby was given away as a gift when you topped up your phone bill" and so on.
Xiaoyu didn't know, but Xiaoxia's parents told him, so Xia Lingyuan explained to Jin Xiaoyu in a serious manner: If you kiss, you will have a baby.
As a result, one day, when Xiaoyu was teasing a stray cat, the cat licked his lower lip with its tongue. A few days later, the cat gave birth to kittens, and he thought they were his children.
"Hahahahahahahahaha!" Qi Long and Dong Qiang burst into laughter. They both understood why Gao Feng, who was usually not very cheerful, was so happy.
Who wouldn’t be happy after hearing this?
After the crosstalk performance, the boss invited everyone to dinner. This kind of social dinner has a characteristic: you can't eat enough, and it's mainly about drinking. After drinking, Qi Long arranged to take a few people who were not full to have a barbecue together. The gathering of family members was not so restrained, so Qi Long arranged for everyone to play a game together.
The rules of the game are very simple. Just say a movie name, and the others have to add one more word to "ruin" the movie name. Whoever ruins it most thoroughly wins.
"How about winning?" Dong Qiang asked, "I won't drink anymore. I drank quite a lot just now!"
Qi Long: "If you win, you're awesome!"
"Okay!" Dongqiang agreed immediately.
The highest level of betting among men: You are awesome, you are great!
Luan Yunping interrupted: "In this case, the winner is Dad!"
"Oh~~" The uncle and nephew took advantage of the situation by responding as if they had agreed beforehand.
Qi Long was still trying to be naughty: "What is it?"
"father!"
"Hey!"
Luan Yunping hit himself and said, "I was drunk and didn't react. I really can't bring alcohol on stage."
As a crosstalk performer, you have to let your partner take advantage of you on stage according to the script. But privately, it is not easy to take advantage of a crosstalk performer with words. If Luan Yunping had not been drunk, this would never have happened!
"Forget about that. Whoever wins is the best, and the others have to offer him barbecue skewers!" Qi Long re-established the rules: "One more thing to say, sir, enjoy your meal!"
"Okay, I'll eat!" Dongqiang nodded.
Qi Long pushed him and said, "Can we still start?"
After a bit of commotion, the word game that Qi Long came up with on a whim began. This game was very interesting, and the beauty of it was that often someone would come up with a brilliant reply, which could then be put on the crosstalk stage as a good punchline for the audience to applaud.
"Dongqiang, you go first!"
Dongqiang thought about it and came up with a movie title: "Edward Scissorhands!"
Meng Hetang thought about it and came up with an answer: "I'll add one more, 'Scissor Hands, Dehua', which means there is a man named Dehua whose hands were cut."
"You can't do that. Listen to me." Luan Yunping thought it was just okay and said, "I'll add the word 'Liu' to it, 'Scissorhands Loves Liu Dehua'!"
"Hahahahaha, this Scissorhands guy is a crazy fan?" Everyone was amused.
At this time, Qi Long picked up other people's answers and processed them: "It's even funnier to add the word "马". I love Ma Dehua!"
"Hahahahahaha, Uncle Jue won, right? This is the end!"
Qi Long waved his hand: "I am taking advantage of Xiao Luan, it's his, it's his!"
Everyone presented skewers of meat to Luan Yunping and the game continued.
Just as Qi Long expected, this game session gave rise to many scenes that made them laugh out loud and have great fun.
However, there are many things that have some dirty attributes, such as the movie "The Daughter of the Sea". Zhou Jiuliang added a "xia" in front of the movie, which made it dirty.
However, he did not get the "Master" in this entry, because Dong Qiang made a shocking and inexplicable answer, which made everyone burst into laughter.
His answer was: "Fahai's Daughter"!
I don't know why, but it just tickled my funny bone. It didn't have any high-level ideas like Fahai rejecting a human-demon relationship or a monk not being able to have a daughter. It was just an ordinary tickle to the funny bone and was voted the best by everyone.
Following Fahai, Qi Long proposed "The Legend of the New White Snake". Although it was not a movie, it was also a film and television drama, so no one was picky.
Zhou Jiuliang, who likes to watch short videos, seized the opportunity this time and successfully became the "boss" with "The Legend of White Snake"!
In addition, there is also "Harry Potter" plus a big one, which directly becomes "Harry Potter Big".
Howl's Moving Castle adds a Bin, and it becomes a moving castle in a Chinese city.
Zhang Helun is keen on ethical jokes in this game. For example, "My Girlhood" was changed to "My Dad's Girlhood" by Zhang Helun by adding a "Dad".
Qi Long ruined a work by using the names of several celebrities.
"Iron Armor Xiaobao plus a Song, Iron Armor Song Xiaobao, The Ring plus a Jia, The Ring Jia Ling, CJ7 plus a Pan, Pan CJ7"
The wonderful replies from time to time also made everyone burst into laughter. This can be completely applied to the "fighting" segment in crosstalk. The funny man gives a question, and the supporting man ruins the work with one word. The supporting man then gives a question, and the funny man ruins it with one word. Before the winner is determined, they move on to the next item.
Because Qi Long had been drinking, he didn't really trust his memory, so he wrote down anything interesting in his mobile phone notepad. As long as he could use it in the future, it would be a good thing!
For a crosstalk artist to tell a good crosstalk, in addition to the basic skills, he must observe life. The jokes in life are the funniest after artistic processing, but life is not full of jokes. When there are none, you have to find ways to create them.
Although many of Qi Long's works are from another world, he is also working hard to create his own crosstalk. He does not copy them completely, but also includes his own creations.
Amidst the laughter and joy, the barbecue came to an end, and everyone went back to the hotel to rest. Qi Long also shared the jokes he heard from his nephew and the games on the wine table with his wife during a video call. It is better to share happiness with others than to enjoy it alone. It is fun! (End of this chapter)
