Chapter 256: Pulling Shadows
Qi Long began to say that the business wars in movies and TV dramas, the high-end intrigues, and the real business wars are actually just a variety of very ordinary means.
He talked about the operations of business wars in various places.
"Is this true? Also, in the Fucheng business war, merchants all worship the God of Wealth."
"Correct!"
"Yes, in business war, just bribe their internal employees and replace the company's God of Wealth with Ultraman!"
"Hey, isn't this quite wicked?"
"If you think it's hard to bribe the cleaners, you can bribe the temporary workers!" Qi Long said confidently.
"What damage can a temporary worker do?"
"The seats at the store entrance are not allowed for those on duty; free ice cream is not given to Chinese people, but only to foreigners; meals are not given according to the queue, but to those who look good first! As long as this is exposed, their brand will be damaged, and we will benefit!"
Qi Long talked about several popular online events, all of which were about some brands doing something unethical and unethical, and were attacked by other brands.
"Can this still happen?"
"It's easy to bribe temporary workers. If something goes wrong, they will be the ones to take the blame. Regular workers of various brands will not have any problems!"
After satirizing the issue of temporary workers taking the blame, Qi Long gave a few examples of business wars.
Bribe their work meal cooks and replace the braised fish in the work meal with West Lake vinegar fish, soy milk with soy milk, and duck blood with stinky tofu.
One after another of the wicked and harmful ideas, a faint suppressed laughter could be heard from behind the curtain.
"Is the only way to do this is to bribe the opponent?" Shaobing asked doubtfully.
Qi Long shook his head: "You can also attack the other side from your own home. Have you heard of the Hong Kong Business War?"
Then he told a story. A bank in Hong Kong built a shape on the roof, which was like a big knife chopping towards the rival bank. The rival bank directly built two cannon shapes on the roof, which bounced back!
As a result, the efficiency of the banks targeted by the cannon declined.
Later, a strong wind blew the muzzle of the gun towards another company. The other company was so scared that it hurriedly sent a letter asking the other party to quickly return the muzzle of the gun to its original place.
They are all true stories, so they are even more interesting!
"Of course, the business war here refers to those big companies and big groups. Smaller merchants like you don't have such high-end operations!"
“Is this high-end?”
"There may be two department stores on the same street. One wants to attract customers by offering a 20% discount. The other department store sees and says, 50% off, buy one get one free. The one that says buy one get one free and still injures the customer, the other department store says, we are dead. Come and watch!"
Shaobing quickly stopped Qi Long and asked, "Why are all the dead people here?"
"Everyone over there is injured. Don't we have to use dead bodies to fight back?"
"never heard of that."
"When it comes to crosstalk, an art form that is performed on the street, the competition in the industry is completely different."
"How to say?"
"Just shouting with my flesh voice."
As he spoke, Qi Long began the hawking that had been mentioned before, all kinds of hawking with a strong voice, this one shouting "Give more", that one shouting "Sing more beautifully".
In a word, it all depends on your voice, because when you go shopping, you only have so much money in your pocket. If you want people to spend money on your things and your talents, you have to show your real ability.
Of course, there are also those who take shortcuts.
"What kind of opportunistic method is this?"
"Looking for someone to help, for example, when we perform crosstalk, we ask two people to applaud and cheer in the audience, and make them laugh. When passers-by see it, they will become interested, and when it is time to collect the money, they will take the initiative to pay first, and then some people will also pay, and the deal will be done!"
"Oh, looking for a babysitter?"
"This colleague came to pretend to be a guest to show his support. In our crosstalk, there is a jargon called "knock-on-the-back". But please don't think that we crosstalk performers are unrefined and that we hire people to cheat people. Many industries hire people to hire people."
"for example?"
"The puppet show!"
Well, this is the real work. Qi Long first sang a ditty sung by the shadow puppeteer, and then said: "If this shadow puppeteer doesn't have a helper, he will pull one out on the spot and pull you out. You have to watch it whether you want to or not!"
Shaobing slammed the table and said, "Nonsense! That's because he didn't touch me. If he did, I wouldn't look at him!"
The supporting actor was just like a fool, he just didn't watch it. Even if Qi Long asked him to find a shadow puppeteer, he would definitely not watch it.
I couldn’t find anyone to perform the shadow puppet show as the comedian, so I thought about it and decided to play the shadow puppet show myself.
Move the table aside, put the tea bowl on the table, pretend to be a foreign film, roll up your gown, wrap your white headscarf, pick up a small stick, and start acting.
Qi Long was busy at the table on the right side of the stage, and Shaobing on the left couldn't stop talking, he had to say something.
"If he tells me to look, I have to look. How can I listen to him? Humph, I don't even listen to my master, how can I listen to him!"
Guo Degang joked with Yu Qian with a smile, this unlucky child
As he was talking, Qi Long dressed up and started to shout: "Who wants to see my foreign film? Oh, no one wants to see it. How about I find someone?"
He placed one hand on his forehead and looked at the audience below like Sun Wukong, making eye contact with every audience member. Finally, he turned to the stage and saw Shaobing standing on the left: "Hey, it's you!"
"I knew it was me, I won't look!"
"Look, I'll let you read all eight of these foreign films for only one cent!"
"Just one cent, hahahaha!" Shaobing smiled, then changed his expression and said to the microphone: "No, I don't have any money. My master won't give me money. I have no money!"
Qi Long went up and said that he could watch it for free.
"It's free? Hahaha." Shaobing changed his face again: "Look, it's free and I still owe you a favor!"
"You don't have to do me a favor, but I should do you a favor?" Qi Long said humbly, and then explained that he found it interesting, so other people would be interested and come to watch. Even if the business is opened, don't they have to do you a favor?
"You want me to be your stooge? Hahahaha, I can't team up with you to cheat everyone's money."
Qi Long went up to him and told him that the contents in foreign films were not suitable for children to watch, and that they only had the kind of good pictures that young men wanted.
Shaobing was moved this time: "Really? Hahahaha!"
"See?"
"Then I can't look at it anymore. If I look at it, my wife will kill me, right?"
Qi Long bowed and begged him to look, but he made a "Pooh" sound and refused to look.
Qi Long bowed and begged him to look, but he angrily said, "To tell you the truth, even if you kneel down and kowtow to me three times today, until your head is broken and bleeding, I will not look at you!"
In a comedy show, the person being beaten must be hated at the beginning, so that he can laugh while being beaten. At this time, Shaobing is on the road to being hated.
Qi Long stood on the stage pitifully, looking at the audience with grievance: "I have said all the nice things, but you don't want to see me, then I will be ruthless. You have to see me today, whether you want to or not!" "I won't see me, but you are still ruthless. What do you think of your family?"
Qi Long held the stick and said, "If you have the guts, just say it three times: I won't look!"
"Don't just say three times, even if it's thirty or three hundred times, I will still say it, I won't look, I won't look, I won't look!!!" Every time he said it, he would change his pose, with one hand holding up the thumb, one foot on the same side raised, and turning his head in a funny way.
When he shouted for the last time, Qi Long's "stick" hit him on the forehead.
Shaobing immediately held his head and screamed: "Ouch, are you really hitting me?"
Qi Long raised his stick: "Do you want to see it?"
"Look, why are you still hitting people? Then watch it, for free?"
Qi Long told him that the free store was over and he couldn’t even think about getting a penny. That was the price decades ago. Now: one hundred yuan!
Shaobing, who was afraid of being beaten, could only watch, but there were no stools on the stage, so Qi Long made him squat to look at the tea bowls on the table. At the same time, he had to agree with whatever Qi Long said, otherwise he would be beaten.
Shaobing agreed, and Qi Long specifically instructed him to praise him properly and not to exaggerate. Otherwise, people would know it was fake and he would be beaten.
They started looking at the picture cards. Qi Long asked, "What do you see?"
"What did you see?" Shaobing didn't know either!
Qi Long hit it with a stick, and Shao Bing cried out. There was laughter behind the curtain. Shao Bing said aggrievedly: "You put a tea bowl and asked me what I saw. You have to tell me!"
At this point, the funny man keeps misleading the straight man and making him get beaten to create a comedic effect.
"When you see a tea bowl, just say tea bowl. Look again, what do you see?"
"Did you see the tea bowl?"
"anything else?"
"There is nothing else!"
Duang, another one. How could there be nothing else in such a big picture?
He was hit again, the third time. Shaobing became smart and saw the man selling tea bowls.
Qi Long then said: "Oh, that's a department store!"
"Yes, yes, department store!"
"There are people selling tea bowls, chopsticks, cell phones, computers, and even gold watches!"
Shaobing turned his head towards the audience and gave a thumbs up: "What a dazzling array of things!"
Qi Long turned his head over and said, "Just look at yourself. What are you looking at? Did you see the man and woman next to the one buying the gold watch?"
"I see!"
"The man pointed at the counter, the woman looked at the man, and the two were..."
"Talking!"
duang!
Qi Long hit him with a stick and accused him: "This is a foreign film, not a movie. It won't move. How can the people inside speak? If they speak, then it's fake, right? You mean he's about to speak but hasn't said it yet! Do you hear me?"
"heard it!"
"Look further!" Qi Long pointed at the picture.
It was still a department store. This time Qi Long was describing the elevator. There were a lot of people going in and out. Shaobing once again praised it as very lively.
“Just look at that elevator.”
"Let's go up!"
duang!
Shaobing was hit and covered his forehead again. Qi Long still used the same trick as before, repeating the punchline: "This is a foreign film, isn't it?"
Looking again, Shaobing asked him how many he had read, and Qi Long said there were eight stories, and he hasn't finished this one yet?
The third scene is still in a department store. This time Qi Long describes someone stealing something and running away. There is a kind passerby in front of him who stretches out a foot.
"Just see that thief!"
"Caught!" Shaobing shouted happily.
duang
This time, Shaobing understood Qi Long's explanation, and the two said in unison: "This is a foreign film, isn't it?"
The fourth chapter is still a department store.
Shaobing stood up and said, "It's been a while and we haven't left the department store yet? Hey, the two distinguished guests watching, do you recognize my wife? Go and tell her that it's time to remarry. I'm just going to stay here and watch pictures for the rest of my life."
This is a joke in the story, but it's still funny enough.
Qi Long asked him to continue looking and went outside the department store.
This scene is about people coming and going outside, and a car is seen. There is someone sitting in the car, holding the steering wheel. The light ahead is green, and then the car is seen.
"Get out!" Shaobing said, and Qi Long hit him on the head with his stick, but Shaobing rolled backwards to avoid it.
Guo Degang and Yu Qian in front of the curtain were fine because they knew Shaobing had this skill, but there were voices of surprise behind the curtain.
This time, Shaobing was the only one who finished saying Qi Long's "This is a foreign film, not a movie" and said he would not watch it anymore.
"I see clearly, Uncle Master, you are just looking for an opportunity to beat me up. I won't watch it anymore, I won't act anymore!"
"No, no, no, we have to finish the performance. So I won't hit you anymore. I'll just throw this stick on the ground, okay?"
Shaobing glanced at the stick on the ground, raised his foot and kicked it to the side: "Kick it farther, this time it will be worth watching!"
He just stared at the tea bowl on the table when Qi Long took out a stick from under the table and pointed it at his head: duang!
Shaobing, who was covering his head, pointed at Qi Long with a wronged look on his face: "Where's the other one?"
The two men bowed and took their leave. At this point, the traditional crosstalk "Pulling Shadows" with an added business war interlude ended!
I recommend the one with Shao Ma Ye and Mr. Huang Zuimin, it's great. Also, Shaobing who played the fool in "Wen Xun Tu" was amazing, it was perfect for him, so I chose him and the protagonist for this role!
(End of this chapter)
