Chapter 222 Is stupidity a hereditary trait in our family?
"The widow thing is just a joke. Let me introduce you to my nephew, Yan Hexiang!"
The audience applauded and Yan Hexiang bowed to express his gratitude.
Qi Long nodded: "You all gave a good round of applause. There is a saying in our club that my senior brother Guo Degang made the best supporting actor in the world his partner, and left the best supporting actor in Deyun Club except his partner to Yue Yun Studio; and left the best supporting actor among his disciples to his son Guo Qilin, but Guo Qilin doesn't care about it!"
"Hey, everyone, don't talk nonsense. I'm not the best supporting actor in Yunhe Jiuxiao. There are many brothers and sisters who are better than me!"
"You are being modest. Yes, I don't deny that some of Guo Degang's disciples are better than you in crosstalk talent, but talent alone is not enough. You have to work hard. Yan Hexiang is the hardest working one!"
"Uncle-master, you are too kind to me!" Yan Hexiang smiled happily.
Qi Long waved his hand and said, "I'm not talking nonsense. Yan Hexiang has average talent, but he works very hard. He is the first person in Yunhe Jiuxiao who took the initiative to come to me and ask questions about crosstalk!"
"That's true!"
"I remember it very clearly. At that time in Beichun City, he came to me and asked if I could confront Guo Qilin and ridicule Guo Degang on the crosstalk stage. I said yes, and he became known as the offensive supporting actor!"
"It was indeed my uncle who inspired me. Later, Dalin didn't like to act with me anymore and went to film dramas and variety shows!"
"That means he can make a lot of money, right?" Qi Long said with a smile, "Besides me, he also asked others, even those of lower status than him. If he encountered a question that they understood his confusion, he would ask them too."
"Be quick to learn, and don't be ashamed to ask questions!"
"This is an old saying. For example, when we go out to eat together, he asks Qin Xiaoxian when he encounters a problem: Old Qin, should I insert the straw of this yogurt with the round end of the straw or the pointed end?"
In the first half, Qi Long spoke in a very serious manner, which aroused the interest of the audience and made them curious about what it was.
When it came to the questions, Qi Long put his hands on his stomach and crossed his eyes like a fool, and asked even stupider questions.
The reversal caused the whole audience to burst into laughter.
"Uncle Master, am I stupid? I don't even know which end of the straw to use?"
"You know now, didn't you ask that? Later, I asked again, whether this mineral water bottle can be unscrewed by twisting it to the left or to the right?"
"I'm really stupid. Can't I just ask it myself?" Yan Hexiang concluded: "I didn't ask any complicated questions, did I?"
Qi Long thought for a moment and said, "Yes, there really is. At that time, you asked Gao Dongqiang: Uncle Dongqiang, there are always people who praise Dalin for being smart and say that I am stupid. Then what is smart? Isn't this question profound?"
"What's so profound about that? Isn't being smart just a quick thinker, and being stupid just a slow thinker?"
"That's just a superficial question. This question may seem simple, but it's actually just like the philosophical questions of who I am, where I come from, and where I'm going. It's very profound to explain. Dong Qiang also thought about it for a long time and came up with a way to explain it to you!"
"any solution?"
Qi Long raised his palm: "Dong Qiang put his palm on the wall, let you use all your strength to punch his palm!"
"Isn't this asking for trouble?"
"You threw a punch with all your strength, and Dongqiang moved his hand away when you threw the punch."
"Ouch!"
The audience imagined the scene and laughter spread throughout the small theater.
"There's still a nail stuck in the wall, and your hand is bleeding!"
The audience, who had just stopped laughing, started laughing again. It’s not just about smashing the wall, right?
"You don't even care about your bloody fist, and you're asking hurriedly, Uncle Master, what is smart?"
"Are you still asking?"
"Dong Qiang explained it to you clearly. What I did just now was smart, and what you did was stupid!"
"He is so mean!"
"At this time, Shaobing came in. Shaobing was also eager to learn. When he saw Yan Hexiang, he asked: Yan Hexiang, do you know what is smart and what is stupid? Hey, isn't this a step in the right direction?"
Yan Hexiang also laughed happily: "I will use this trick on him too!"
"I'll use one move to tell you what intelligence is. Come, punch my palm!" As he said that, Qi Long put his palm on his face and clasped it.
"Put it on my own face?"
The audience couldn't stop laughing, and some in the front row were even pounding the table.
After the laughter, Yan Hexiang concluded: "I am really stupid!"
"Shaobing is really powerful. Yan Hexiang's face almost turned into Yue Yunpeng's, it's so sunken!"
Laughter breaks out again, and after the laughter.
Qi Long casually added a few words: "This is all true!"
"Is this true?" Yan Hexiang pulled him.
The laughter never stops, it can’t be stopped at all!
Qi Long continued, saying that Yan Hexiang likes to ask questions and everyone likes to answer his questions because Yan Hexiang is polite. As long as you answer his questions, he will treat you to a meal as a thank you, even if you are cheated or frustrated.
Yan Hexiang commented that he was still a little naive.
"Sometimes Yan Hexiang doesn't have any questions, and some people even ask him to ask questions. Two days ago, during a commercial performance, Yu Qian called him over (put two fingers to his mouth and pretended to smoke): Hexiang, don't you have any questions today?"
"Ben asked me to treat him to a meal!"
"No problem!" Qi Long pretended to be a fool and turned to the left to show that he was Yan Hexiang. He turned to the right and put two fingers to his mouth to perform Yu Qian, and raised his hand to slap him: "Pia!"
Yan Hexiang was puzzled: "Why are you hitting me?"
"Look, here comes the problem. Yu Qian said (puffing cigarette): I hit you because you didn't ask questions! (turning around and covering his face) Thank you, Uncle Yu, for helping me answer the questions. I'll treat you to dinner today!"
The audience couldn't hold back anymore and once again praised the actors' jokes on stage with their laughter.
"I'm still short-sighted!"
Qi Long said that Yan Hexiang is a generous person and likes to spend money, but he cannot be compared with his father, because his father was particularly good at spending money back then!
His father was very concerned about his reputation and loved to treat people. He rushed to the restaurant and pushed his fried pancake away and went upstairs. I, Yan, paid for the entire meal today.
When there is a wedding or funeral, no matter if you know the person or not, you should go and give money or gifts.
He didn't even eat at the banquet and took some fried pancakes with him!
He even specifically asked his butler to go out and inquire every day about weddings and funerals, so that he could go there and pay them!
Sometimes, there are no weddings or funerals in the surrounding area. What should I do? I go to Babaoshan to see who is holding a memorial ceremony and then give money.
"One day, his father went to Babaoshan. At that time, a crosstalk artist passed away. People were reading the eulogy: We have lost an excellent crosstalk artist and an upright and kind person. Your father took out his pocket and gave two portions of money!"
"Why two?"
"Two people died, one was a crosstalk performer, and the other was an honest and kind person!"
There was laughter and applause again. What this meant was that there is no honest and kind person in crosstalk!
Qi Long went on to say that his father spent money in various ways, and thus earned a nickname, the Money-Throwing King of Beijing. In those days, he would often throw money around in nightclubs and dance halls, throwing money onto the dance floor.
"Hey, in this dance hall, he met your mother. Your mother is a lady from a wealthy family!"
Yan Hexiang was full of confusion: "Is that dance hall called Fugui Renjia?"
Originally, the supporting actor was supposed to pretend not to understand the joke, and the funny actor was supposed to say it. The two of them were rehearsing the lines backstage and thought that the audience might already know it. So Qi Long suggested that Yan Hexiang say it. By saying it one step ahead, the audience wouldn't expect it and would laugh.
Sure enough, the joke was very loud and achieved the desired effect.
Qi Long acted as if he couldn't believe it: "Who would say that about their own mother?"
"Nonsense, isn't that what you mean?!"
"No, your mother is also the eldest daughter of a wealthy family. She is a perfect match for your father!" "Will I not misunderstand you if you put it that way?"
"They were dancing together in the ballroom. Your father grabbed your mother's waist and said, 'Girl, your waist is so thin that I can hold it with one hand.' Your mother blushed when she heard that!"
Yan Hexiang asked: "Are you shy?"
Qi Long pinched his neck with one hand and looked up: "You pinched my neck!"
"Ah? My mother is so short?" Yan Hexiang gestured under the table.
Yan's parents fell in love with each other and got married. Their married life was very happy, but there was still some shortcoming: there were no children in the family. At that time, Yan Hexiang was not born yet, and they had not conceived for several years.
This was considered the beginning of the relationship, and the couple decided to go to the temple to pray. At that time, there was a saying that if you prayed for a clay doll in the temple and took it home, you would get pregnant. This was called "tying a doll".
The two were very pious and spent a large sum of money to rent out the entire temple. They refused all pilgrims and only allowed his parents to enter.
All the other monks went to rest, his father was kneeling outside the temple, his mother was inside the temple, and only one old monk was left?
"Ah? Why keep one?"
"The old monk is useful!" Qi Long answered confidently.
Yan Hexiang yelled, "Nonsense! I'm just afraid that he will be useful. It would be better if he is useless!"
"No, he has to recite the sutra. Your parents don't know how to recite the sutra, so how can they tie up the baby?"
"Oh, chanting?"
"Nonsense, what do you think?" Qi Long glared at him.
Yan Hexiang laughed: "I thought it was a wooden fish!"
Qi Long began to imitate the old monk chanting, but after a long while he started to chant fluently, he was actually chanting scriptures for the salvation of souls.
Yan Hexiang asked, why did Shuanwawa recite scriptures for the dead?
"You'll die over there, so you can live here!"
Continuing to read, Qi Long brought out the foreshadowing from the previous chapter: "Mr. Mali, benefactor, do you know who I am, where I came from, and where I am going? I am a poor monk named Tang Xuanzang, I came from the Tang Dynasty in the East, and I went to the West to worship Buddha and seek scriptures!"
"Why is there still a story about Journey to the West?"
"You hold the burden." He sang again.
"That thing hurts so much!"
"what is that?"
"You carry the load!"
"Hey, you also understand scriptures?" Qi Long looked at him in surprise.
Yan Hexiang was helpless: "Is this a scripture?"
Qi Long sang all the songs from Journey to the West, whether from TV dramas or cartoons, such as "Daughter's Love", "Monkey Brother Monkey Brother" and "White Dragon Horse". The audience also sang along, and the interactive atmosphere on the spot was quite good.
Finally, the sutra was finished, Wawashuan was taken back, and the child was born. However, the child had intellectual problems and was a little stupid.
"Yes, yes, that was definitely me. I hit the nails on the wall with my hands and let others hit me in the face!" Yan Hexiang nodded.
It is connected to the front.
Qi Long: "And you couldn't speak until you were three years old. If you hadn't been humming, everyone in the family would have thought you were dumb. That day, your uncle went to see you!"
"I don't have an uncle!"
"That's because you forgot. Your uncle was teasing a child and called me uncle. Then the moment of witnessing a miracle came. You opened your mouth and called me uncle. As a result, the moment of witnessing a miracle again came. Your uncle died on the spot!"
"Ah? I have no impression of that."
"My family was shocked and said this child was a disaster? He called his uncle, but his uncle died?"
"Nonsense, how can a child born from the salvation of others not be a disaster?" He continued.
Qi Long continued: "Your grandpa didn't believe in evil and called me grandpa. You called me grandpa, and then, boom, your grandpa died too!"
"Bang? Was my grandpa a stink bug that got stepped on?"
"Your father is here. Your father doesn't believe in evil. Everyone advised him not to let the child call him dad, but he insisted that you call him dad, so you did."
"My father died?"
"No, your father is fine. He rolled up his sleeves and pointed at everyone. What nonsense are you talking about? My son is not a disaster. He calls me dad. Am I not fine? At this time, your housekeeper came to the door to announce the death. Didn't your father ask him to take care of weddings and funerals?"
"Oh, yes, yes, yes. There is also this one. Who died?"
"The old monk in the temple is dead!" Qi Long said with a smile.
Yan Hexiang was stunned for a moment and pushed him: "Go to hell!"
This is implicitly saying that your father is that old monk!
The two took a step back, bowed and left backstage, but were persuaded by the host to return to the stage. Because it was the last show, they had to perform an extra segment. As soon as they got on stage, Yan Hexiang stared at Qi Long and shouted continuously: "Uncle Master, Uncle Master, Uncle Master Qi Long!"
Qi Long knew what he meant. He tilted his head and muttered two words: "Crack!"
The audience burst into laughter.
Qi Long straightened his head and told everyone that what happened just now was a crosstalk performance and was made up. It didn't happen. Yan Hexiang is actually very smart. I will ask you a few questions and if you answer them correctly, it proves that you are smart!
"Okay," Yan Hexiang agreed immediately, and then whispered, "Uncle Master, you have to make it simpler!"
"Please listen to the question, multiple choice question. Which of the following three people is not a member of the Extreme Men's Gang? A: Sun Honglei, B: Zhang Xing, C: Gao Dongqiang!"
Yan Hexiang was about to blurt out the answer, but he stood back and said, "Uncle Master, there is something wrong with this question. There are two wrong answers to this multiple-choice question. Uncle Master Dongqiang is not the one, and neither is Zhang Xing!"
"Who told you that Zhang Xing is not here?"
"My name is Zhang Yixing, uncle, are you confused?" Yan Hexiang shouted anxiously.
Qi Long looked at him speechlessly: "What group is Zhang Yixing in?"
"ESO?"
"The E is silent, it should be pronounced as SO, and his Yi is silent, it should be pronounced as Zhang Xing!"
"The Yi in his name can't be pronounced either?"
This was a joke that the audience had never thought of and it immediately caused laughter.
"You are wrong. You have to prove that you are smart. Let me ask you a physics question. Aren't you an engineer?"
"Yes, yes, I'm good at physics!"
Qi Long spoke up: "Excuse me, among the following three people, who is more likely to confuse upside down? A: Gao Dongqiang, B: Qi Long, C: Yan Hexiang!"
Yan Hexiang took a breath and couldn't help asking, "What does this have to do with physics? Anyway, I didn't see upside down!"
Qi Long spread his hands: "I don't have any either!"
"So the answer is Dong Qiang?"
"Yes!"
"why?"
"This involves physics knowledge. Have you learned pinhole imaging? The image formed through a pinhole is upside down. His eyes are so small that it is easy for him to see it upside down."
"What a mess"
The audience was as shocked as Yan Hexiang. How did you come up with such a weird gag?
Something urgent happened at the company today, so I came back late from overtime, so I wrote a chapter of 4,000 words and finished "Tie the Baby". Thank you all for your continued support, see you tomorrow!
(End of this chapter)
