Chapter 164 I am an educator
If there is a closing, there will naturally be an unboxing. For this unboxing, Qi Long and Dong Qiang once again brought a new work, titled "I am an Educator".
The incentive for this job started when Qi Long found an apprentice for Dong Qiang, who was his nephew Jin Xiaoyu.
Dongqiang was joking at first after hearing this. If the word "dragon" was added to it, wouldn't it be called golden arowana?
The two were chatting on WeChat, and Dongqiang said he wanted to use up all the skills his master had taught him when he was a child!
As a result, after the two finished chatting, Dongqiang just opened the short video platform and was pushed a home visit video of a so-called education expert. In the video, the guy called education expert forcibly gave a hammer to a little boy and asked the boy to smash his favorite figurine to pieces.
They throw all kinds of toys and favorite things at other children, and then criticize and scold them, saying that they are not ambitious and that they should study hard at their age and not think about anything else.
Standard, for your own good, suffocating education.
Netizens also criticized it, and the fact that the video of this so-called expert could be pushed out like this obviously showed that it had gained a certain degree of popularity. This real-name expert was immediately found out to be a dishonest person with a history of fraud.
Dongqiang couldn't sleep after watching it, so he called Qi Long and complained for a long time. After discussing, the two of them created a new crosstalk to satirize these so-called experts.
During the unboxing, the two of them started performing this new role: "I am an Educator"!
After the host announced the show, Dong Qiang came on stage first: "I'm sorry, everyone. Qi Long just called and said that he sprained his ankle during his nap. How could he sprain his ankle in a dream? He went to the hospital and was diagnosed with gout, which is quite serious. He needs to be treated with leg control. He can't come today. I will tell you a stand-up comedy!"
Dongqiang was alone on the stage, also introducing the background, which meant that Qi Long in this scene was playing another person.
At this time, a man wearing a suit, gold-rimmed glasses, and shiny hair walked up to the stage: "Oh, Gao Dongqiang!"
Dongqiang turned around: "Eh? Who are you?"
Qi Long stood in front of the funny microphone: "Don't you recognize me? I'm the one who changed your life. I beat you up when we were kids!"
Dong Qiang narrowed his eyes and looked at Qi Long: "There were many people who beat me when I was a child, who do you think you are?"
"I know that you learned crosstalk at the time and often made jokes about your classmates. You were beaten many times, but you always fought back!"
Dong Qiang nodded: "Of course I have to fight back? Am I stupid?"
"You didn't dare to fight back when I hit you. Have you forgotten me? I used to be your teacher!"
"I don't have any impression!" Dongqiang shook his head.
Qi Long smiled and said, "Let me introduce myself. You can recall it. I am a senior family education expert with 33 years of experience and a senior general teacher."
"General practitioner? I've only heard of general practitioners!"
"Yes, yes, I can teach all subjects. I have won the Outstanding Education and Teaching Achievements in Huaxia and Jin Province many times. I pioneered a personalized growth education model based on Chinese studies. I am a certified home school double lecturer by the Discipline Association of Lighthouse Country. Qi Xiaoju, that's me!"
Dong Qiang nodded: "I seem to have some impression of what you said. My family found a cram school for me."
"Although you didn't have a deep impression of me, I had a deep impression of you. I had just published my book "Geniuses Are Forced Out" and you were still young. You said something that I still remember to this day!"
"What?"
"You said you were an obstetrician!"
I didn't expect such a joke. For a moment, thunderous laughter came from the audience.
Dong Qiang: "Hey, hey, pay attention, we have a video here, don't talk nonsense!"
"I felt at the time that you were a very special child, with a different way of thinking and a very strong ability to think critically."
Dongqiang smiled as he listened to the other person praising him: "Am I so good?"
"It's terrible!" Qi Long shouted word by word.
"what?"
"Why did you interrupt the teacher when he was talking? That's rude! Why did you understand the teacher's book that way? You have no character! Critical thinking ability? Will that get you extra points on the test? No! If you continue to grow up like this, your life will be ruined, you know that? Fortunately, your father sent you to me, and that's how you became successful now!
Our slogan is that children should not be special, just focus on grades, and should not have any hobbies, they can only love studying!"
"what?"
"You can't, 'huh?' You are my success story. I'm looking for you to promote my educational philosophy for me. I want more children to learn from me and become successful people like you. Come on, sign it!" Qi Long took out a document from his briefcase.
Dong Qiang: "Why do I have to promote you? Does my success have anything to do with you?"
Qi Long turned his head and looked at him: "Are you going to be ungrateful and betray your ancestors? Do you believe that I will delete you from the family tree?"
Everyone who came to visit Deyun Society knew about the removal of the apprentice from Guo Degang's family tree, and wrote about the things that were against the will of heaven and the destruction of ancestors, and they immediately burst into laughter.
"How could I be so ungrateful and disrespectful to my ancestors? I have no memory of you teaching me this. Please help me recall it. I need to remember that your teaching method is indeed good. I can help you promote it."
Qi Long was not angry but happy: "Forgot? It seems that my teaching method is very effective."
"Is this still working?"
“Does this mean you have achieved our organization’s slogan?”
"What slogan?"
"Forget everything in life and just focus on studying!"
"Ah? Can you tell me more about it?"
"Take your story for example. You were an elementary school student with very poor grades. Your father asked around and found out about our institution, which can help children become excellent. He sent you here. The first thing you had to do was to take an exam. If your grades were not good enough, you could not enter our institution!"
"Um, Mr. Juhua, wait a minute, do I need to go to a cram school to get good grades? Isn't it because I have bad grades that I go there?"
"All institutions are like this. Those with good grades don't need tutoring. Just let them study on their own and they can make money. Those with poor grades still need to be supervised. How much trouble is that? It can also easily ruin their reputation. So we only want those with good grades!"
"Isn't this unscrupulous?"
"Throw away your conscience and just focus on studying!"
"Okay. How are my grades?"
"Your grades are terrible. The test paper is unbearable. Not to mention math, your Chinese score is ridiculous!"
"What's wrong?"
"Look, I still have your test paper with me." Qi Long took out another document from his briefcase. It was actually blank. He didn't need any prompts and could get rid of the burden depending on the situation.
If the audience likes it, then say more of the topic's punchlines, otherwise say fewer of the topic's punchlines.
"I asked you to make a sentence with the word naive. Here you go. It's really hot today."
"what?"
"I asked you to make a sentence using the word "if" and you said canned food is not as nutritious as juice!"
"Hey?"
"You were asked to make a sentence with the word 'lu xu xu'. You said your father came back lu xu xu? You said there are many fathers in crosstalk, right?"
"Was I so bad at making sentences when I was a kid?"
"It's not over yet. I asked you to make a sentence using "on one side this and that" and "on the other side this and that". You wrote that there was a fight in your family and you didn't know who to help. On one side is my dad, and on the other side is my mom!"
Dong Qiang nodded: "This must be wrong. According to what I wrote before, this sentence should be "On one side are a group of fathers"
He made the audience laugh by telling jokes on the spot. Qi Long knew that people had heard a lot about sentence making and might not be very interested in it, so he immediately switched to the next set of questions.
Short answer question: What family does Confucius belong to in our country?
Dong Qiang counted on his fingers and said, "Thinker, politician, educator!"
"Look, after our training you will know. Your answer at that time was: the elderly!" What can't you eat for breakfast? Xiao Dongqiang's answer was: lunch and dinner.
What is the reason why students fail in their studies? Xiao Dongqiang’s answer is: exams!
Dongqiang listened to the test paper of "his childhood" and laughed: "He really has some ideas, hahahaha!"
Let's talk about making sentences based on the given sentence. The title is: "The stream returns to the river, the river returns to the river, the river returns to the sea, and the sea is as vast as the sky!"
"Just tell me how I wrote it?"
"What you wrote was: The master pressed down on the master's wife, the master's wife pressed down on the bed, the bed pressed down on the ground, and the ground shook!"
The whole audience burst into laughter, and Dongqiang even made a joke: "I am good at observing life."
"Nantongzhou, Beitongzhou, Nantongzhou connects the north and the south. Give me one. Male students give birth to female students. Male and female students give birth to male and female students! Is that right? The word in front is 学, it should be 学男男."
"Is this wrong? Why do I feel like you don't understand?" Dong Qiang waved his hands.
Idiom explanation title.
"Days seem like years?"
"How did I write it?"
"Every day when things are good is like New Year's Day! People are easily tempted by new things!"
"How did I write it?"
"When I see a handsome man, I want to move in with him!"
"Hey, is that how you explain it? Don't tell me, I have a pretty vivid imagination!"
"You wrote that someone said something harsh to you, and you held a grudge for a long time. You change your mind every day, playing Landlord with three people in the morning and Mahjong with four people in the evening. You work from nine to five, go out for drinks in the morning and dance in a nightclub at night!"
Dong Qiang stopped him and said, "Wait a minute, there is something wrong with your question. 'Nine to five' is not an idiom."
"It's OK for the kids doing the test to not know. Do I, the tutor, need to know these knowledge points?"
"Don't you need it?"
"No need. We just need to teach you the correct values! Of course, we don't accept students like you who don't do well in school!"
"Then why did you accept me?"
"Your father gave you a lot of money, so I made an exception and gave you a simple question, but you almost didn't get in."
"What subject?"
"I asked you, what is one hundred plus one hundred, and you counted on your fingers for a long time and said it is two hundred and fifty!"
"what?"
"I turned around and left. Your father bid 10,000 yuan and asked me to give you one more chance. I asked again, what is ten plus ten? You calculated for a long time and told me, thirty-eight!"
“I guess I just wanted to scold you.”
"Your father bid another 10,000 yuan. Let me give you one more chance. I'll ask you again, what is one plus one? Answer quickly, two!"
"Not stupid yet!"
"Your father bid 10,000 yuan, let me give you another chance!"
"Is my stupidity inherited?"
"It doesn't matter. Being stupid is not a big deal. Follow us and I will teach you the correct values. You will get better slowly!"
“What values?”
"Our organization wants children to get rid of imagination, which is useless for extra points in exams, get rid of all kinds of toys that are useless for learning, get rid of useless time playing with classmates, get rid of long hours of sleep every day, and study, study, and study!
Our school also has a slogan that students have to recite every day!"
"What slogan?"
Qi Long used a child's deliberate recitation tone to talk about the Internet's hot memes: "Turn off, turn off, you must turn them off. If you don't turn off those online games, how can children have a good environment and become pillars of society? Study, study, you must study! And the school song!"
"How do you sing the school song?"
[Oh, the first thing I say when I wake up every day is to cheer myself up. Every time I get a question wrong, I kneel down and reflect on myself. Novels, comics, and games are all cancers. Throw them out. Study, you have to study, and get a good grade.]
"Ah? No playing, no sleeping, just studying? I have to kneel down and reflect on myself if I get a question wrong? What if I don't study?"
"Then I will use a whip to whip you. If you still don't obey, I will lock you in a small dark room, not give you food, and make you recite the Analects every day. If you still don't obey, I will pass an electric current through your body and let you feel the pain of the electric current washing your body!"
"Punishment? Isn't that against the law?"
"Hey, your guardian agreed. Your father should be grateful for the changes I made for you. All parents should be grateful to me. Those children have good grades, but they are not seen in society. Only you, who attended three days of classes and was forcibly taken away by your mother, came out. I came to you to spread the word!"
Dongqiang frowned, and the audience's smiling faces while listening to the crosstalk immediately became upset.
"I'm promoting your grandson. Assholes like you should be arrested. How can you teach students? You are destroying people's lives. Why can't society see them? They are all ruined by you. They are turned into obedient puppets. How can they succeed? Do you manage your own children in this way?"
"Of course not, that's my biological child."
"You still know that? Then why are you being so cruel to someone else's own child?"
Qi Long and Dong Qiang's crosstalk reached a rare level, which made the audience couldn't help but cheer.
Qi Long drooped his face and said, "They sent this themselves. It's the parents who want their children to be successful. I don't want my children to be successful!"
Dong Qiang nodded: "Those parents should feel what their children are experiencing there. If they can't teach their children, then don't have them? Send your children to animals? If you can't become a dragon yourself, then exploit your children to death? If you have that energy, why don't you use it on yourself?"
Qi Long's eyes lit up: "Hey, this is a good idea!"
Dong Qiang was enjoying scolding when he saw Qi Long's surprised expression: "What's your idea?"
"I will open a parent school in the school, and let these parents give up all entertainment activities, such as playing with mobile phones, watching TV, using computers, and square dancing, and learn new skills every day.
Want to go to bed early at night? Why do you want to sleep? Can you sleep at your age? Have you paid off your loan? Have you finished your work? Have you improved yourself by working overtime?
Don't study? Don't work? Then punish them, and make them work harder. If their children can't become the first generation of rich people, you can become one. Make your children the second generation of rich people!"
"Oh?" Dongqiang became interested: "Rich second generation!"
"I have already thought of the school motto?"
"What's the school motto?"
"If you want your son to be a dragon, you can't be a worm yourself!"
"Ouch!"
"Are you moved? You must be. Send your father over here!"
Dong Qiang nodded: "Okay, I'll bring him here later!"
After saying that, he ran off the stage, and Qi Long followed him: "Sign the promotional document."
At this point, the crosstalk, which was funny in the first half and full of sarcasm in the second half, officially ended!
Today I have one chapter with 4,000 words. I worked overtime until 9:30 and it was almost 10 o'clock when I got back. I'm really sorry that I don't have any drafts saved!
(End of this chapter)
