Chapter 153 Double Standards Dongqiang
The power of the demon flashlight is extraordinary. As long as you see the light of the flashlight, you will explode.
"Will you explode just by looking at it?"
"Yes, and there is not only light, but also light and heat together. If you get close, you will be burned into boiling water?"
"Will you melt if you get close?"
Qi Long nodded: "That's a very good summary!"
The people in the audience were already laughing. If eyes could send out barrages, there should be several viewers who sent out barrages like: Did the little black guy show his feet?
Dong Qiang stopped him and said, "Wait a minute, Teacher Qi, this electric demon won't rely on the iron mountain, right?"
Qi Long was puzzled: "They are attacking with a flashlight from a distance, why are they learning the Iron Mountain Claw?"
"Nothing on?"
"No, there was no such thing in those days!"
Dongqiang took a deep breath and held his chest: "That's good, I was scared to death, you said these two sentences with your orchid fingers, making me think you were slandering others, you can not bring me into it, you don't have Weibo, but I do, I'm afraid of being attacked!"
Qi Long knew that he was talking about an idol whose fans were quite powerful and often attacked other people's comment sections and slaughtered other people's super topic squares.
Many fan groups in fan clubs are like this.
But he pretended not to understand: "Your Weibo is full of your fitness photos, and there are people rushing to follow you?"
"what?"
Qi Long sighed: "Sure enough, there is a saying that is right, women's manicure attracts women, men's fitness attracts men, and there are people watching you rush?"
"Which one are you rushing? It's being recorded, so pay attention!" Dongqiang quickly pushed him.
"Yes, yes, it's being recorded. Let's continue, Magnetor!"
The magnetic demon's weapon is a round glass cover with an extremely sharp needle in the middle: a compass.
This compass is special. As long as the needle points to you, you start walking south and keep walking.
"You won't hit your head against the wall, (singing) 'You won't look back, you won't be bitten by a snake, you won't be tempted, you won't...'" It's a good crosstalk, with some opera in the middle.
Qi Long said that this was adapted from the story of Dongqiang's grandfather Gao Nanqiang.
This was mentioned in a previous crosstalk, saying that his grandfather was too strong, and many people went to challenge him, leaving many people with broken heads and blood. Therefore, there is a saying: Never turn back until you hit the wall!
The hero Wuwei defeated the light demon and the magnetic demon with two punches.
The electric demon turned green all over, including green hair, green head, green neck, green body, green arms, green legs, green feet, and even his fingernails turned green.
Because I used the bitter palm, the bitterness attacked my heart.
The magnetic demon was hit by a spicy palm, and fire was spewing out of his seven orifices. He lay on the ground breathing out, and it was as spicy as if he had eaten a bowl of chili peppers with two grains of rice.
Later, the light demon wearing sunglasses and the sound demon playing the six-string guitar were also hit by the sour palm and sweet palm respectively.
The Light Demon wears sunglasses and doesn't like anyone. He has become a vicious and cruel character. He can emit light when he opens his mouth, and the light blinds people's eyes in an instant. Even he cannot look directly at the light, so he has to wear sunglasses.
Once you play the acoustic guitar, you can't help but dance along.
【You, you, you, do you want to dance? 】
Just sing it and dance along until you die of exhaustion.
The Light Demon ate the sour palm, and all his teeth became soft and fell off. His facial features merged into one, and he became as sour as a lemon.
The sound demon ate the sweet palm, and the whole body was covered with icing sugar. All the holes on the body were stuck together. The eyes were stuck with sugar and couldn't be opened. The nostrils were blocked and honey was leaking out. The mouth couldn't move, and there were other holes.
"It's being recorded, so I won't go into details!"
"Well, we just need to understand it in our own way!" Dongqiang said with a smile.
Qi Long continued to show his strength: "The four demons saw that this man is so difficult to deal with, so the four of us brothers should work together to kill him. The four demons were in tune with each other, and shouted at the same time, jumping onto the plum blossom pile of more than 150 meters. The abilities of the four demons used together are extraordinary!"
"Why is it unusual?"
"You have to avoid the light of the flashlight and walk southward while dancing. While avoiding the light, remind yourself that if you look at it, you will explode, and if you get close, you will melt. When you reach the south wall, try to use dance to knock the enemy away."
"How?"
Qi Long started the Iron Mountain Leaning exercise, and the whole audience burst into laughter because of his movements.
"And when you collided, the spotlight in the Light Demon's mouth was shining on you. If you didn't have goggles, your eyes would have been injured by the laser!"
"Waiting here? He said all that!" Dong Qiang pointed at Qi Long and issued a disclaimer.
Qi Long continued to tell the story: "Wuwei Hero knew that he couldn't let them make the first move, so he sneered and pulled his lips with both hands: Since the four of you are stubborn, then take my last palm!"
"What palm?"
"Salt Palm! Wuwei hero used both hands to energize himself, sinking the Qi into Dantian. The Qi in Dantian floated up, passed through the Tanzhong acupoint and was divided into two arms, followed by a muffled groan!"
"Muffled hum? Shouldn't the attack be done by shouting loudly?" Dong Qiang wondered.
Qi Long raised his two palms: "Hero, both palms are Qigong, no hands pulling lips!"
"Rigorous and detailed!"
"With a muffled groan, both palms came out at the same time, and the four demons were covered by salty palms and gathered into a ball. Salt began to ooze out of their bodies, and soon they turned into a salt block. Wuwei Xia snorted coldly and kicked the salt block from Mount Everest into the Pacific Ocean!"
"How about kicking that far?"
"Over time, the salt blocks melted and the water in the Pacific Ocean became salty. If you don't believe me, go and try it!"
I never expected that a story that seemed like a fabrication would actually fall into real reality, that the sea water is salty.
"I won't try it!" Qi Long looked at Dong Qiang and said proudly: "How about my story?"
"not bad!"
"I have already thought of the second part, and you can help publish it when the time comes!"
"What about the second part?" Dong Qiang asked.
Qi Long resumed his serious storytelling face: "After a long time, a shameless nation that occupies less than of the land and wants to pollute 99% of the ocean will release nuclear waste water. The four demons that had melted will make a comeback under the influence of this waste water!"
Gao Dongqiang gave a thumbs up seriously: "Good!"
The two smiled at each other, took a step back and bowed.
At this point, the crosstalk ended, and the audience, like Gao Dongqiang, shouted "Good!" and clapped their hands vigorously to applaud Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang for bringing them a crosstalk work that combined tradition and innovation, and was full of satire and humor.
Qi Long and Dong Qiang’s crosstalk really does not disappoint!
"That's great, thank you for your hard work!" On the side stage, Sun Yue patted Dongqiang's shoulder with a smile.
Junior brother Shimen is the darling of the Shi family, and his senior brothers only have encouragement for him.
Qi Long also thanked Yue Yunpeng for their hard work before going backstage. After exchanging pleasantries with his nephew who stood up to greet him, the two brothers took a box lunch and started eating.
There were many actors who came to the closing ceremony. Although they were not paid for this performance, they were provided with boxed lunches filled with meat and vegetables, as well as various fruits. The two of them ate very happily because they did not eat before going on stage in order to maintain their condition.
If you eat, the blood will go to the stomach, which can easily make you dizzy.
The most frightening thing for crosstalk performers is to feel dizzy. Saying the wrong words, forgetting words, and not being able to connect with each other are all problems, so they always eat after they go off the stage.
Nowadays, we often cannot live without our mobile phones. We have to look at our phones while eating, while sleeping, and even more so when we go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet.
Someone didn't bring his cell phone when he went to the bathroom, and he managed to read the words on the labels of all the facial cleansers and shampoos in the bathroom.
You have to choose the food you want to eat. Crosstalk is not suitable because it is easy to include jokes about shit, piss and fart, which will make you lose your appetite.
Qi Long usually watches videos teaching how to cook, those are the "masters" he said Wuwei Daxia learned from on stage. But today, before he opened the food blogger, Dongqiang told Qi Long that his self-made video "Dongqiang Fitness Class" has been updated to the latest episode.
This aroused Qi Long's interest, and he planned to take a look at the second group of victims besides him.
The people who came were the three female members of the Rockets group who had been agreed upon during the recording of the New Year's Eve program of Bilibili. At the beginning, Dongqiang took alcohol wipes and wiped the fitness equipment in the gym carefully and meticulously, not leaving any gaps.
"Hey, why weren't you like this when I was there?" Qi Long's appetite immediately decreased a lot. The difference in treatment was a bit too obvious!
Dong Qiang smiled and said, "Can the little girl be like you?"
After a while, the girls came, and Dongqiang's voice turned into a clip, whispering: Your action is wrong.
Qi Long's movements were not standard at the time, and Dong Qiang shouted loudly: "Are you deaf?" It was completely different.
In the last episode, everyone saw Dongqiang training Qilong fiercely and said that he was a devil instructor. It was so scary. No wonder Deyun was scared to death when she heard that he was going to take people to the gym.
As a result, this episode is like a different person.
He was also very attentive to etiquette. When correcting Qi Long's movements, he did not directly adjust them because she was a girl and it was difficult for her to do so. So he slowly guided her from a distance and demonstrated over and over again.
When Qi Long was so tired that he sat on the ground, he would just step up and kick Qi Long with his ankle to make him stand up.
When the girl sat on the ground, he would take a yoga mat from the side and let the girl sit on it.
Sometimes when Qi Long did a few fitness exercises, he would say that you are too weak and why you only do these few?
When the girl made a few, he stood by and praised them, saying, "That's great, that's awesome!"
There was no need for the audience to recall the scenes. He asked the program team to do a professional editing and directly edited the two comparisons together, causing the commentary to be full of laughter.
[I am timid in front of girls, but I punch hard in front of brothers! ]
【Love over friendship! 】
【Qi Long: ???】
[Sisters, I suddenly realize how handsome Dongqiang is. ]
His reputation has also changed from "devil coach" in the previous issue to "dream coach". Many people left messages under his post asking him to give private lessons. I'll buy it!
"Tsk tsk tsk!" Shaobing was also watching the video behind Qi Long: "I'm not used to Uncle Qiang's soft voice!"
"I feel like his throat can kill mosquitoes!" Qi Long followed suit with his complaint.
"Hahahahahahaha!" The fellow disciples around were all laughing.
Dong Qiang turned around and said, "Who among you wants to be the next guest?"
In an instant, the nephews who were complaining about Dong Qiang just now dispersed, and Qi Long was the only one left.
Qi Long looked at Dong Qiang with gossip: "Have you added WeChat? Have you chatted?"
“I added you, but we never chatted!”
"Waste." Qi Long looked at him with disdain and continued watching the video.
"She's an idol, and I treat her as my sister. I don't have any other thoughts!" Dong Qiang waved his hand.
This time it was not just fitness, there was also an interactive session, which was to throw the dice. You would do as many exercises as you got. Yang Chaoyue was particularly lucky, as she got the same number for several sports.
"If this weren't a script, her luck would be even better than Senior Brother Wang Xun's!" Qi Long sighed.
Dong Qiang agreed, "It's amazing. You and I are two extremes. You are worthy of being called a koi."
“I’m lucky.”
"What the hell, I asked you to draw a prize for me, but you only got a guaranteed prize of 648, and it's the most useless one!" Hou Zhen, who was passing by, immediately complained, "Hurry up and eat, you two, or you can play games after you finish eating!"
Well, the game promoter from Deyun Society is here.
(End of this chapter)
