Chapter 145: "Sacrificing Wife and Son"
After explaining "When one is noble and the other is humble, their friendship is revealed."
Now it’s time to explain “One death and one life, the true friendship is revealed”.
The same short story was made up: "Dongqiang was walking on the street and met a woman who was smoking and staring at him lustfully with a lewd smile on her face."
"Oh, I'm a gangster this time!"
"Yes, when I see a woman smiling, I say: Wow, it's so moist!"
Originally there were other teasing words here, but Dongqiang used this before, so Qilong just used it. The easiest way to be funny is to repeat.
Dongqiang also reacted quickly: "I saw a woman, or you!"
His bag was also flipped based on what just happened, and when it was flipped, the scene exploded.
"Hahahahahaha!"
After the laughter died down, Qi Long retorted: "Do you think I am decent? Am I a woman? You are looking at a woman, teasing her and saying, 'Oh, it's so smooth'. The woman ignored you, but you continued!"
"What's wrong?"
Qi Long whistled: "Girl, you are so white!" The white-haired woman turned around and scolded Dong Qiang: "You are a hooligan!"
When talking about the white-haired girl, Qi Long hunched his back, with his upper and lower lips covering his teeth, making him look like an old lady with all her teeth lost.
Dong Qiang stretched out his hand to stop him: "Teacher Qi, wait a minute, my white hair is white? (Ang) I am a hooligan to a white-haired old lady and say that I am really smooth?"
"Hey, what you like may not be liked by others, and what others like may not be liked by you. Our aesthetic tastes vary. Just look at that old lady and you will find that she still has her charm!"
Dong Qiang clapped his left hand and his right hand: "Okay, I'm really hungry."
In the next story, the old lady shouted that he was a hooligan and wanted to beat him. Dongqiang ran away frantically and finally got rid of the old lady when he ran to the middle of the road.
I was so tired that I lay down in the middle of the road to take a rest.
As a result, a fire truck drove by at high speed and hit him while he was lying on the ground. His body was left in Daxing, but his head was carried all the way to Changping by the fire truck.
"Wait a minute, what is this fire truck doing in Changping?"
"Put out fires! Don't you know this common sense that fire trucks are used to put out fires?"
"No, there was a fire in Changping, why did Daxing dispatch fire trucks?"
"The fire was so big that all the fire trucks in the city went there. Let's put it this way, even if you weren't hit here, you would have been hit by fire trucks from other places!"
"So I deserve to be hit?"
"Yes, you have to die in this story. Which district do you want to die in?"
"Well, I won't be picky, just this one!"
"You were hit and killed, but imagine a headless body lying on the street with clothes torn off. Who would recognize you? I happened to pass by at that moment and I knew it was you. I cried and walked over to you: This is my brother!"
"Wait, how can you recognize it?"
"We have a good relationship. I know you. I saw how you died."
"What does it look like?"
Qi Long stretched out one hand, moved it forward to the right, and made this pose.
"This is?"
"Stop it, you crosstalk actor, this is how you interrupt me." Qi Long made another move: "I knew it was you at first glance"
"Wait, Teacher Qi, let me stop you!" Dong Qiang made the same gesture.
At this moment, the two of them completed the movements in unison, and the whole audience burst into laughter. Even their hands were at the same height.
"Huh?" Qi Long turned his head.
"I'm about to be hit by a car, and I'm still busy trying to stop it?"
"You wanted to stop the fire truck like you stopped me on the crosstalk stage, but you could stop me but not the fire truck, and you died in this position."
As Dongqiang's brother, Qi Long took the initiative to take on this task and went to Dongqiang's house to report the death. He didn't dare to go in because Dongqiang's father had a son in his old age, and he was a treasure in his hands.
The old man is old. If we talk about the funeral, what if he can’t bear it and goes with us?
Through the window, Qi Long saw the old man eating hot pot meat, which had all kinds of dishes.
Qi Long went in nervously. The old man noticed his sad expression and asked him what happened.
"I told you to hold on! The old man nodded: I can hold on, you say! Dongqiang died, and the old man's eyes were dull!"
Qi Long started to perform, his eyes blank, looking forward.
Dong Qiang pointed at him and said, "It's sad to lose a son in old age!"
Qi Long imitated the old man and pointed forward: "Give me the bean sprouts!"
"Still eating? Why aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Come on, let's have a couple of drinks!"
"You're still drinking?"
"I was full and drunk, but they didn't let me go out and told me to sleep at home because they were afraid I would get hit by a car and die while driving under the influence."
"Eh? His own son was hit by a car and he didn't care, so why would he care about you?"
"After waking up from a nap, your father remembered and asked me: What did you say happened to Dongqiang? I said he was hit by a car and died. The old man said that's fine, fine!"
"Alright?"
"He looks like a gangster, so he won't cause trouble to our motherland." Qi Long imitated the old man.
"Well, my dad is hoping I'll get hit and killed!"
"From then on, I took care of your father in his old age, took care of his health, and attended his funeral. This is what we call a life and death relationship, which shows our friendship!"
The second story is over, now it's time for the third one: "He walked through the houses without his wife avoiding him. He must have a relationship like this where he sacrificed his wife and son for his wife!"
"The deepest friendship among friends is the one where you entrust your wife and children to someone else!"
"Tell me about it!"
Let’s take Dong Qiang as an example. Dong Qiang is a crosstalk master in his seventies. He was spotted by a wealthy man and asked to perform crosstalk abroad for five years.
But they only take care of Dongqiang's food, clothing, housing and transportation, not his family members, and give him 50 million in one lump sum over five years.
At that time, Dongqiang had just gotten married to a girl in her twenties.
"I am a beast?"
"It's all love. Love is not limited by age. You've been single your whole life, and only met a girl who likes you in your old age!"
"I'm a crosstalk master, and it's only after I'm over 70 that someone likes me?"
"Yes, you were not a crosstalk master before you were 69 years old. You became a master by outlasting other crosstalk performers!"
"Oh, you met your true love right after becoming a master?"
"That's right! My sister-in-law is so beautiful, she has everything you want?" "Such a great figure?"
"Yes, eyes should be there, nose should be there"
"Nonsense, that's a normal person."
"What a handsome man! Anyone who sees him will say, 'Wow, it's so smooth!'"
"here we go again"
The story continues. Dongqiang wants to make 50 million, but he is worried about his wife at home. He has no relatives at home, and his colleagues have all died.
At this time, he thought of Qi Long, and entrusted his wife to Qi Long's care, and would come back after five years.
"You and I are close friends regardless of age. I am in my thirties, and it is inconvenient for me to take care of my sister-in-law. I try to avoid suspicion everywhere!"
When I wanted to deliver food, I would go to my sister-in-law's door, put the things at the door, then shout at her and leave. Not to mention opening the door, I would have to run even if the door was open a crack.
I was afraid that someone would see us and spread rumors, ruining the reputation of my brother Dongqiang and his wife.
"It wasn't until four years and three hundred and sixty-five days later that I entered my sister-in-law's house for the first time!"
"Brother, it's been four years and three hundred and sixty-five days. Can't you just say five years?"
"It's not five years. One of the five years is a leap year. A leap year has one extra day. You will come back on the fifth day. Then the five-year period will be up. That's the day the Dragon King of Crosstalk returns!"
"Oh, so why are you going in this time?"
"I told her you're back. I looked at my sister-in-law and said, 'Sister-in-law, Dongqiang will be back tomorrow. What should I do?'"
"What can I do about this?"
"My sister-in-law is coaxing the child in her arms (Ah?) What can I do? It's already like this, I have to do what I can. I know the story of Pan Jinlian!" Qi Long performed the performance of holding a child without props.
Dongqiang: "You already have a child?"
"Yes, at this time the door opened, and my eldest son came in, looking at me and calling me dad."
"Or the second child?"
"I got angry at that time. You are not allowed to call me dad. Tomorrow a guy with small eyes and muscles all over his body will come back. You are told to call him dad. Do you hear me?" Qi Long said with his hands on his hips.
As if the child didn't agree, he repeated it loudly: "Did you hear that?"
At this time, an old man in the audience interrupted and shouted, "I heard it!"
Qi Long raised his head, his face full of surprise, then relaxed his eyebrows: "Good son!"
"Come, let daddy hug you!" Dongqiang on the side also opened his arms.
The two brothers almost simultaneously made impromptu jokes to the audience members who were trying to talk them over, which immediately caused the whole audience to burst into laughter. The audience members themselves laughed so hard that their faces were pressed against their knees.
"The next day you came back, and I and your family of four had dinner together. The two children, the older one called you daddy, and when you said something, he smiled and put his face on my knees. The younger one also smiled at you. Don't you feel happy?"
Dong Qiang sneered and echoed in a sarcastic tone: "Beautiful!"
"Don't you want to make friends with this guy?"
"pay!"
"pay!"
"Give your grandmother a grandson!"
"Hey, how can you talk like that?"
"I just said that, do you still have any shame? Do you still have any shame? Your face is not as good as my butt!"
"What you said is not right (why is it not right), I just have good intentions (you have no conscience), let's talk to the light (it's no use talking to anything), I haven't been in there all day!"
"Nonsense, you haven't come out all night!"
In this dialogue, the two people used the method of "son-mother-son gag". As soon as one person finished speaking, the other person immediately picked up and followed suit.
The two spoke faster and faster, with jokes in between that made the audience burst into laughter.
"You shouldn't be like this. What do I want from making friends?"
"You know what you want!"
"I'll take out my heart and give it to you to eat!"
"Your heart is on my wife!"
"You take my kindness for granted!"
"You are a donkey's liver and lungs!"
"You were already over seventy when you left!"
"What's wrong?"
"You'll be almost eighty when you come back!"
"I'll still beat you up at eighty!"
"You are so old and people are almost dead. I see that you don't have a son. You will never have an heir!"
"I don't need your help even if I die!"
"When there's no one to hold your coffin, what will you do when you die? Will you let wild dogs hold your coffin?"
"I am happy for the dog to help me!"
"That's my son!" Qi Long shouted.
Dongqiang, who was originally shouting, suddenly stopped.
The audience found the moment to applaud, cheering for their fast yet not chaotic segment.
Dong Qiang was puzzled: "Ah? What did you say?"
Qi Long choked up, "I said those two were my sons. I was worried that you would have no descendants. I have many children, so I gave you my two sons. You didn't say a word and started beating and scolding me. Are you worried?"
Dongqiang began to stutter, his tone softening: “Yes, yes, yes!”
"Me, you treat me like this, do you want me to die in front of you?" Qi Long rushed forward and used the fan as a dagger to scratch his neck.
Dong Qiang grabbed his hand and said, "No, no, no, I was wrong, I was wrong, I misunderstood you!"
Qi Long twisted around and shook him off: "That child is mine!"
"Don't I know this? I blamed you wrongly!"
Qi Long followed up by saying, "Your wife gave birth to the child!"
Dongqiang pushed him away: "It's still the same!"
The two men stopped arguing and looked at each other, faced the stage, and bowed.
At this point, a traditional crosstalk performance of "Entrusting Wife and Son" has ended!
(End of this chapter)
